Nice to know you're doing well and keeping busy with all your GALing. It really sounds like you've had some great things happening. The annual show you went to with your Mom sounds nice. I'm so glad you recognize how much stronger you are now than you were a year ago. Don't forget that. I know we don't always feel like it.
As far as your sitch goes, I know exactly what you mean about not wanting to do anything when you're seeing some improvement. Personally, I think you deserve to ask for exactly what you want now... not have to wait until the holidays are over. And that doesn't have to mean moving into that room. Maybe it becomes your backup plan.? It is really great that you're seeing some positive changes.
Maybe I'm not the one to be giving advice but I'll share what I'm thinking anyway and hopefully others will chime in. It can be easy to settle when there's improvement. I know! I lived that for years. It's okay to have what you want, Nik, it really is. I didn't do myself or my M any favors by accepting less than what I wanted. Like you, I didn't have unrealistic expectations. You aren't asking for too much.... I think you're not asking for enough.
It seems like you have a good idea of what you want. Right now, your H is very likely to be more motivated to make the changes needed than he will be if you wait... imho. I'm afraid you will be setting another precedent that this is acceptable for you, and your power position will get weaker as time goes by. Just my thoughts. I'm getting the feeling this is already starting to happen. You both deserve to build on those positives, and they'd have a LOT more value with a commitment from him. Value yourself. Remember, you're teaching him how to treat you.
You could do both of you a big favor by bringing this up. It doesn't have to be a "shake up". It could be presented to him in an opportunistic way. It's proactive. You'd be truly standing up for your M and yourself. You could let him know you are liking what you've been seeing from him, and because of those things you are open to not separating like you had discussed... then make it clear what you want if you are going to do that. ????
Okay, that's all I have for now.
Keep us updated. Have a great week! Love, f21
Me: 37 M: 14 yrs Separated 10/06; Filed for D 12/07 Life is good.
