LRT UNDER SAME ROOF II

[Pudmuddle]

Don't be sorry about sharing that stuff...most of us have missed the affection. Like Woog says, find more distractions.

Won't be the same thing, but here is a cyber{{hug}}.

Sometimes I would ask my H for a hug, just because I needed one. I don't know if you could do that with your W, but my H always agreed, so I at least got to touch him for a moment.

[Wooglint]

PM,

The hugs almost make it worse for me. I almost would prefer to go cold turkey. Almost...... Truly I hope she never stops hugging me.

[craig54]

w was in a chipper mood last night. made sure i knew about her christmas party in two weeks. she would be very late. (obviously not invited). i said ok. just kept doing what i was doing. my heart is broken every day. but the Lord heals it every night. if i did not have GOD watching over me i could not do this.

[craig54]

woog, pud, mako, thank you for the encouragement. it helps more than you know. i talk to you fellow db'ers more than i can talk to anyone else, they just do not understand. they try, but don't have the experience.

[Wooglint]

That's why we are all here. You've helped me as well

[craig54]

i just read a post from someone on how loving someone is a choice. they could not understand that. i say look at the people on this bb. we all love our spouses even though our spouses say they do not love us. we choose to put our love on the line. we choose to go through this living hell because we want to have our marriages whole again.we go against societies norm and fight for our spouses. yea, this is crazy. but divorce is crazier, and our spouses need for us to make a stand, even though they don't know it. yea, love is a choice , i choose to love, without the expectations of receiving it in return, at least not for the forseeable future. if love were not a choice nobody would stay married. because the romantic glow wears off. i choose to love. i choose to hope. i choose to pray.

[ann25]

Hi craig.

It's possible you read my post or someone elses, i don't know, but maybe you have some advice for me then.

I've been with my H for 10 years. The Romantic glow wore off long ago. I love my husband. i choose to love him. i have chosen to love him through out all the difficult times and the hurt feelings. No matter how his words or actions have hurt me. I choose to love him because I want my marriage. I've lost friendships (people I loved dearly) over far less pain and conflict than this, so I know it is a choice to love him.

For you - what is the distinction between loving someone and being in love with them. I think you make a choice to love, but i can't seem to make myself be in love with him.

I used to come home at the end of the day and look forward to seeing him. I used to miss him while I was working. I used to love being with him. I can't seem to get those feelings back. To me, that's the kind of stuff that goes with being in love.

Just wondering. Thanks!

Ann

[craig54]

ann, you are right. there has to be something from our spouses too. but it can be revived, it takes two people to work on it. but one has too start. you obviously are that one, or you wouldn't be here.
that is why i am here. because if i did not believe it could be revived i would have walked out the door. thank you ann.

[craig54]

was talking to a friend at work about how db works. she does not unerstand how i can wait, and not give wife and ultimatum. she asked me how long i was going to wait the situation to turn around. i told her when God gave me the inner voice to stop trying i would do it. she just looked at me. i was thinking to my self. what would a fair time frame be. well how long are my children's stability worth in time. is my wife worth waiting for. i could not look my kids in the face if i just caved in and gave up. and my wife, we have been married 19years. of course she is not the same person she was months ago. but that doesn't mean she will stay like this. i can guarantee she is not happy with her situation right now. only time will tell. for now i wait, and work on myself.

[mako]

Hi Craig,

I know, dealing with friends and family is sometimes difficult. How long are you going to wait for her? How can you just roll over and let her do these things? Set an ultimatum date! Look at what she's done to you, you could never trust her again!

Many friends are supportive, but I do hear things like this. It is all a personal choice--is my W, and any potential future R with her, worth what I am going through now, the difficulty of this whole process? It probably would be easier to just give up, in the short run...but she is worth it to me, I never want to look back and say I didn't leave the door open, that I didn't try, so here I am