The [censored] hit the fan tonight. I found out that D11 has requested counseling because she is having such a hard time dealing with my ex's new boyfriend. She knows about the OM, but now he is spending the night while the kids are there. Time to pull out the heavy artillery. I have the kids half the time, so she has more than ample time to enjoy her tryst on her own time. D11 said that she feels like a tag along when OM is around. The selfishness has hit an entirely new an unacceptable level. Enough is enough. I left a voice mail with ex that she will encounter legal issues beyond her wildest dreams if OM spends one more night with her while the kids are around.
I also put in a final request for her to let me know what is going on with her medical bill getting turned over to a collection agency in my name. If I don't hear anything by Sunday night, it's small claims court for the ex. I'm all for D'bing, but as has been said many times here before - I won't be a doormat and the kids don't deserve to be treated like an inconvenience.
Hey P42 ~ I don't know if anyone can prevent your ex from having anyone she wants for a sleep over...unless it was specifically written into the divorce decree, I think you're SOL.
As much as it sucks for you to think about, and as much as the kids complain, there's little that can be done. Your ex will do as she damn well pleases...please don't call her again about the OM.Please...if this man is abusing your children, call the police. You calling your ex about the OM will only strengthen her resolve to keep him no matter what. She got your goat, and now she knows it.
The medical bill...make arrangements with the doctor's office or collection agency; taking your ex to small claims will make you look like a spiteful, bitter curmudgeon, again strengthening her resolve... Kill them with kindness. Karma will take care of you.
Happy Thanksgiving, buddy. You and your kids are in my prayers.
Me - 46 She - 36 Daughter - 10 Married 10 yrs 1st Bomb Date 12/17/06 (Merry Christmas!) D Bomb in January (Happy New Year!) Every other week custody of D10 She has OM who helped her walk away Divorced 07/05/07
I'm about ready to sign off for the night. I suppose I over reacted. Having my oldest daughter balling in front of me last night wasn't a good feeling. She told me she likes school more than ever, because she doesn't care to be at her mother's. She said she feels like a tag-along.
I had my lawyer send ex a letter requesting that ex refrain from having OM around while the kids are with her. I thought this was just common sense when you've been divorced for two months. Oh well. I guess I'll screw up occasionally. I can tell it's affecting all three of my girls. It just really sucks. If something great is about to happen, I hope it happens soon because it just seems like same old, same old.
Having a good Thanksgiving vacation. Staying with my brothers. Have my girls with me. Going to the gym, playing basketball with D9 and D11, went to a movie tonight. Eating lots of food and trying to get the ex out of my mind. Still not easy.
I'm trying to figure out how to swallow my pride with my ex and the OM regarding my issues mentioned earlier. I'd just really like to get to some basic level of communication. I'm assuming it's normal for the WAW to ignore the ex-spouse once they hook up with the OP? By the way, my ex's medical bill that was sent to the collection agent is nearly 2K. If I felt like it would score me some points if I took care of it, I would do it. I gave her all of my receipts for all the bills I paid and have simply asked her to let me know where things are at. It could simply be done with a short email. After asking politely several times - nothing.
Ex is out of town at her parents for the holiday and will be back on Sunday night where she will find a letter from my lawyer. Need some ideas on how to ratchet down the impending animosity?
Hey P42! Glad you and your girls had a good Thanksgiving. Me and my girl did too.
Don't expect your ex to warm up to you any time soon. My advice is to not communicate with her at all, period, with the exception of, god forbid, a dire emergency with the kids. No email, no calls, no letters, period. You hit the "lawyer button"...let your attorney handle it.
Not a day goes by that I don't think about my ex...sometimes I get all nostalgic and have flashbacks of the good times; then I remember her nagging me, secretly tape recording me, and lying to my face. Then I look at my 25 yr old blonde GF and thank god the WAW left...
When you think about the OM and your ex, envision her nagging him to take out the trash. Envision him having an affair on her. Visualize him leaving the toilet seat up - a lot...I envision my ex's OM at the point I was at the same time in our R....ready to slit my wrists and saying, "WTF was I thinking!?"
Sounds like you're on the right path, Grasshopper. Rock on!
Me - 46 She - 36 Daughter - 10 Married 10 yrs 1st Bomb Date 12/17/06 (Merry Christmas!) D Bomb in January (Happy New Year!) Every other week custody of D10 She has OM who helped her walk away Divorced 07/05/07
I know you said no letters, etc. D9 called me at work to read me a note from the ex. Of course, I have repeatedly asked for no communication through the kids. I would let the lawyer handle it, but paying him to be a note passer seems like a waste of money. Here's the context of my letter to ex. Names have been changed to protect the innocent. At this point, really all I care about is my kids. I have probably just about finally accepted that if things do work out - it will be years. Curious to get you feedback:
Ex:
I was home at lunch and got your response back from my attorney. The only reason that I went through a lawyer is that I have not been getting any response back from you on anything (medical bills, kids, questions, etc). I have offered to help you deal with this bill in order to straighten it out and that offer still stands. I would like my paperwork back as soon as possible. This is your bill. I don't know how it got in my name. I'm going to request again that you stop communicating through the kids. D9 tried to read your note to me while I was in a meeting at work yesterday. This is not good. You have asked to communicate through email and I have honored that request and you have not. I don't think I have been sending you an excessive amount of emails.
You've also signed a marital agreement, which I think you need to periodically review. I suppose you could spend a lot more money fighting for additional custody of the kids right now, but I guess I don't see the point. I think I mentioned to you that we worked with a woman here that spent 2 years and $10,000 fighting for additional custody of her kids. It went from 50% to 60%. Hardly worth the time, money and emotional damage to the kids. I am getting over your relationship with OM. Deep down, I wish you happiness, despite the time and way that it came about. I think it is worth mentioning that the kids don't want to be around him. You have 50% of the time to spend with him and the other 50% to spend with the kids. D11 was in tears the other night telling me about how bad she feels regarding this relationship. I hope you are not threatening them if they say anything. If you think it is necessary to have the kids around this right now, then I guess you'll have to deal with the fallout years down the road. Legally, there is nothing I can do, unless he harms the kids. I will remind you how upset you were when I was going to get a room mate last winter.
I also understand that the kids are in counseling. Please let me know who they are seeing. I have a legal right to know and I don't want to have to go through the courts to find out. I also think that it is wrong that you have not told me about this previously. I have joint legal and physical custody. Please don't let this happen again. Also the dates that you requested to have the kids are fine. I would like to give you a heads-up that I would like to plan something with them for spring break. As for the D11's ortho bill, please let me know if you need an itemized bill for insurance.
In closing, I hope that we can eventually communicate in a civilized manor. I think it would be best for the kids. Please get back to me on all this as soon as you can.
I'm so sorry you and your kids are going through this. It sucks. You just want to shake them and wake them up.
Your letter was to the point and you did a good job not letting your emotions get too raw; at least that is how it reads to me. No unreasonable demands, though to her I'm sure you are being an ogre.
Good job and keep doing what's best for your kids. Keep copies of everything written/emailed both ways...
Good karma, buddy.
Me - 46 She - 36 Daughter - 10 Married 10 yrs 1st Bomb Date 12/17/06 (Merry Christmas!) D Bomb in January (Happy New Year!) Every other week custody of D10 She has OM who helped her walk away Divorced 07/05/07
It means a lot that you're hanging in there with me - thanks. Hope that new girlfriend is treating you well. I'm reaching a point where I could definitely use some female attention. Much more of this lifestyle and I'll be eligible for the priesthood.
Hang in there and keep working on yourself. Keep GAL'ing and stay strong for your kids...you sound like the rock that they'll bee needing when mom's world turns very weird soon. I get the feeling something good is going to happen for you in a big way. Did for me!
I'm coming up on a year since "the bomb"...my "liberation" so to speak. Friends and family are amazed at my transformation and how well I've taken it all. For me it was sobriety, weight loss, and getting back to the real me from the inside out. It's all paid off and my kid really notices...she compliments me all the time and that feels good.
Sounds corny, but time is the best healer. I still think about my ex every day, but now I don't get that "pang" in my gut...I feel nothing for her, neither love nor hate. Just apathy. I never talk about her w/DD, period. If DD brings her up, I just nod. I did have DD send her a birthday card and remind her to call her mom on ex's b-day; that's just common courtesy.
In time you will see how this whole sitch has made you a better man, a better father, and you'll find another love. Everything happens for a reason, Grasshopper.
Me - 46 She - 36 Daughter - 10 Married 10 yrs 1st Bomb Date 12/17/06 (Merry Christmas!) D Bomb in January (Happy New Year!) Every other week custody of D10 She has OM who helped her walk away Divorced 07/05/07
A2BD, I go to bed every night praying for my H to come back to me. I wake up in the middle of the night and pray ... and it is my first thought every morning. For over 3 years now. Do I have a life. Off and on. My life is my daughter and her activities. My friends are all married. I feel so alone and that scares me more than anything.
