Plank removed from eye, too late for WAW? 8

[Not Much Left]

H, I really have no good advice. A lot of stuff about detachment / GALing / time / space whatever. I know FOR SURE as they say in the books, if you dont, it will not work. It may work temporarily (in my case every 2 years) but never lasts.

[Gone Dancin']

I would love to just ask her flat out that if the once (and future?) OM weren't in the picture, would she be more willing to look at me positively.

But please don't.

Just be . Are you working out, getting in shape, etc? Make a long term goal in this department along with detaching from W. Maybe she'll look back someday and see you're not following her anymore, then walk back to see what you're up to, and find a happy, trim and cut Heim enjoying himself and not even taking note of her. Can't hurt, my friend. Besides, you might find that you're actually happy without her and won't want her back.

Detach, my friend. Detach. I know you can't force it, but trust me when I say you'll feel so much better when you actually get there. Do what you can to get yourself there sooner rather than later, bro. Just let it go...

GD

GD

[Heimlich]

I've touched that fire too many times, I've no intention of asking her anything.

Sadly, I just don't think I have the body type to ever be cut. This month has been bad for working out and I drank more this month than the 3 or 4 previous months (OK, not that I was guzzling a fifth a night, but too much). Anyway, started puffing up again. Back in the gym tonight and started running again last week. I'll be as trim as I can be by the time March roles around.

And, does this make any sense, I miss her but I'm happy anyway?

BD

[Gone Dancin']

Sadly, I just don't think I have the body type to ever be cut.

B.S. You just have to be dedicated to a strict type of diet that works for what you want to achieve, get a good and consistent amount of cardio in week to week, lift weights consistently week to week. Believe me when I say you can do it (maybe it won't be ideal, be you'll be amazed by the changes). It will also take a good chunk of time (say a year or so, give or take). Also, every 3-4 weeks you'll have to vary your workouts in what kind of cardio you do (spinning, running, swimming, etc) and how you do it, as well as vary your weight lifting (how much you lift, how many sets/reps you do, types of lifts, etc).

Okay, now all that said, you have to WANT it and want it BAD, but it can be done. You can't stray from the goal except for maybe a week here and there. You have to stay disciplined, but it can be done. Also, having a friend to do it with so you can motivate each other and keep on top of each other is huge too.

GD

Oh, and...

And, does this make any sense, I miss her but I'm happy anyway?

Absolutely!

[Pudmuddle]

Alright already, you've beat me up too. It was just a thought, I didn't say he SHOULD do it, it was a suggestion.

It's all about whether the people are in the right place to HEAR what you have to say. tru dat.

Although, I struggle with seeing it as pursuing, when she actually DID feel good about him at one time a year ago. I s'pose you all do know Heimy better than I do.

[Pudmuddle]

That's because you WANT your H back.

Hmmm...I don't know GD, sounds to me like Heim WANTS his wife back too.

I suggested the letter so that he could actually LET GO, like you suggest, of the things he is harboring STILL, which does not help him move along, GAL or other. Maybe you should write it out anyway Heim, and then burn it, and then have a happy letting go dance around a bonfire. Since I'm sure with your frustration level it would be a HUGE fire.

[Heimlich]

Quote:
Sadly, I just don't think I have the body type to ever be cut.


B.S. You just have to be dedicated to a strict type of diet that works for what you want to achieve, get a good and consistent amount of cardio in week to week, lift weights consistently week to week.

I stand by my original assertion. Plus, I've no desire to do the work required to get that cut -- actually, it's a combo. Yep, do all of that stuff, when I'm on my game. I've got 4 months to March, we'll see by then.

Pud-Muddle, don't let it get to you, I've taken my share of lumps from these folks

You actually hit on a sore spot for me, and the folks that follow the thread here. I half-way think that if I could somehow, someway get my W to open up to me I could either get some closure or we could start the path to reconciliation. I do halfway think her contact with once and future OM hinders her thoughts of me. Regardless, I've pushed too much. My W knows how I feel and she just doesn't care. She's got a high school way of looking at this -- I just don't feel that way -- that to me is childish and immature (yes, I know how condescending that sounds about my W). She's never openly communicated to me her thoughts, desires, wants about what she wants/needs in a R other than emphatically stating any variety of ways -- NOT YOU. All that without saying specifically what about me she doens't want to be with any longer -- I guessed at a bunch of things over the summer that she confirmed, but she never said "x, y, and z about you bug me."

Anyway, that sounds a little more bitter than I feel, but it's also a damn accurate summation of how my W has received my feelings over the summer and up through mid-Oct (when I finally shut up).

Like GDs last throw of the dice before his D became final, I may begin thinking if it's worth trying something similar. It may or may not be, I don't know. But THAT's a topic for another day.

BD

[Gone Dancin']

Hmmm...I don't know GD, sounds to me like Heim WANTS his wife back too.

This is obviously true, but we're not talking about Heim wanting his wife, but rather his WIFE wanting HIM. You and Heim are in the same position, so it would be nice for YOU TWO to get a letter from your WASes. However, it would likely NOT be beneficial for your WASes to get letters from either of you. That was the point I was making.

Does this make more sense?

GD

[Gone Dancin']

My D's actually not final for 10 more days (I'm getting very anxious now, though -- ready to get this over with and behind me). I'll try to post this evening what happened yesterday in pretrial, but let me just say for now that things are looking pretty good for me. W tried to get nasty with me recently, and the judge has pretty much put her in her place.

Silly WAW and her warped perception of reality!

GD

[Pudmuddle]

Hey Heimster

I take their comments with a grain of salt, I know everyone has their own ideas and opin-yines.

{{Note to self: sore spots for Heimy}}
I know how you feel about your W acting childish and immature, I felt that way about my H for a long time, and when I started DB'ing I realized maybe I couldn't be married to a person who could not allow themselves to grow and change for the better, or be true to themselves...or maybe this was the true him that I just hadn't seen before...then when he DID really start to change as you have seen in my posts, it hit me hard and made me see who he REALLY was inside, not just the alien that temporarily came out. So I think I would feel the same way you do right now if he had not made these changes within himself. Maybe this is the real her. And not someone you should be married too.

Yep, I get it GD. I was trying to get Heimy to see his deep-rooted feelings which he has actually just mentioned in his last post. I know he sees them now, but is he letting them go...Now that he has written them here, he may??? feel better and move along...So the letter comment? DELETE DELETE DELETE. LOL