I wrote this at work today, before I wrote the post above...
I remember when I was first married. I got pregnant immediately and was scared to tell H about the pregnancy because we agreed we would wait for about a year. When I did tell him, he was so excited - it was not the reaction that I was expecting. Unfortunately, I had a miscarriage - we were both devastated.
I found out that I was pregnant with D13 about 3 months later. She "stuck".
A friend of mine told me that she was watching H at the school play when D13 was on stage. She said that my in-laws were grinning from ear to ear. H was sitting there looking unhappy - didn't crack a smile. I thought that she was just exaggerating about him because she is angry at what he has done. But, I watched the video last night for the first time. I took the video and because of where I was standing, I have some of the first two rows in the picture. My friend was right. He looked to the left most of the time (not at the stage) and appeared bored and unhappy. How can you react this way when your child is performing?
How can you want to have children and then walk away from them? My kids are A students, involved in different activities, and are respectful and kind-hearted. They are not difficult children by any means. How do you not want to be involved in their lives anymore? How can you not want to hear about what goes on school, or in their activities, or just want to be with them?
I walked into his office this morning to talk to him about a medical thing for D13. He didn't have an opinion - he acted like he didn't care. So I will make the decision. It appears that I am now, truly, a single parent - doing this on my own. He will be the relative that they see every other weekend, absolving himself of all responsibility and accountability for them.
We had problems in our marriage and, while I don't agree with how he is handling it, at least you could make an argument (albeit a weak one) that there was a reason for him to leave. But leaving your kids...how do you do that? But it doesn't appear to bother him. He is free now - not only free of me, but free of them as well.
Believe it or not, I am not having a bad day. It's just that -when I went to H about this medical decision that needs to be made, it really hit me that I am not co-parenting as I thought that I would with him. I am a single parent, totally responsible for them.
