Ouch! Thought I was so much stronger!

[Larrynarry]

Great job man!! Mission accomplished right? Actually.. I'd say more than accomplished:

1. You did something you felt in your heart would make you feel good.

2. You got a positive response.
3. You feel good about yourself and the sitch.

Careful now.. Alien crossing ahead. Hopefully you won't see one.

Congrats to you!!

[SueS]

Good for you! Glad she liked them. Put a check mark in the positives column. Yoyo is right....we never know how they'll act tomorrow. Don't think about what she did over the weekend, think about how you know she smiled because of something you did.

SueS

[Hurtin4certain]

Guys... do I resume the detached role? No calls, no emails etc?

[NoCodeBlues]

Hurtin,

I think your W's reaction was very positive. It really sounds like she appreciates your thoughtfulness. So often these are seen as pursuing by the LBS.

By contrast, when I gave my W some roses a week before our wedding anniversary (we were going to be out of town on the actual date) she said nothing, got very quiet and did not really acknowledge my gesture at all -- in fact, you would have thought I had brought in a live rattlesnake and set in the middle of our living room. She was both alarmed and and cold at the same time (if that makes any sense), indicating she was very suspicious of my intentions, and for no rational reason.

When I later asked her to dinner to celebrate, she got angry and said, "Why?! There's nothing to celebrate!"

I tried to reason with her, telling her that she might consider our M a loss, but the anniversary also marked the start of our family, and it resulted in our two children entering our lives. This was enough to convince her to go to dinner (that and the food), but our M was not something she wanted to recognize, let alone celebrate.

So I'd say you are in a much better position that I was.

[Hurtin4certain]

Nocode... thats why Im scared to remain distant. When I was distant in the past, it was because I was dating.

Everyone here says to let her come to me, but Im scared that she is waiting to see if Ill fight for her given our current situation.

[SueS]

H4C-

I'll let someone else answer your detachment question, as I haven't really mastered that yet.

However, I have wanted to tell you since you first logged on, that I like the title of your thread. How appropriate for so many of us. I went through an A with my H 6 years ago and told myself that I would never, ever let anyone make me feel that way again. But, here I am, feeling the same way and damn it, I thought I was stronger. I'm just lucky that this time I jumped right back on the board for support and got to a Dr. for AD's right away. This time around I have a daughter to be strong for, but it still hurts like hell.

I'm glad you came here. I'm amazed at how the people here are so supportive.

SueS

[Hurtin4certain]

Hey Sue... I know how you feel. My W left me high and dry and I was going to get a tattoo over my heart that said "Never again". I remember wanting to do that to remind me of the pain and to never fall for her again, and just like you, Im in pain again!

So my concern is this... Im afraid my W sees my detachment as a sign that I dont care, that Im off with other girls etc because thats what happened last time. Her LL is acts of kindness so even when I would sent her a thoughtful email or joke, she really ate it up.

Do I still continue to be detached? No calls, no emails etc.? I worried we'll just fall right back into not speaking again.

[stumped1245]

Ditto to yoyo's response & quit analyzing.

[Hurtin4certain]

OK thanks guys... sometimes I get excited and start to spaz.

[LL44]

From reading your sitch, I know this much. Whatever happens in your sitch, any man would be lucky to have a W like you.

You are an amazing, strong, confident woman, dont ever forget that!

hurtin', you put this on my thread, and I just wanted to thank you so much for your kind words. They mean a lot to me. Thanks.