Happy Thanksgiving! hope your orphan dinner was fun!
we had a little one at our house, just us, and I spent 2 days cooking! 2 pies, smoked turkey (lucky for me it was a precooked one that I accidently bought, but it saved me time!), homemade noodles, greenbean & cucumber casserole, mashed potatoes, and cornbread stuffing. ALL BY MYSELF!
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Hey Nik! Thanks for doing all the legwork for Sonoma. I have a feeling I will not get the night off but maybe I can play sick and drive over for a spell! Happy Turkey and Shopping Day!!!
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
Hey all - thanks for dropping in!! Surprisingly enough I have wireless at my Aunt's place in the middle of absolutely nowhere (they think it's funny and have no idea whose internet I'm "borrowing".. but hey, it works).
Donna, f21, ST, mkultra - thanks!! Geez ST that is a LOT of cooking!! Sounds fun though.
Hope that everyone had a good Thanksgiving.
Mine was kinda weird, but good. It ended up being just me, my friend/neighbor, and our two dogs. My mom dropped by for a bit and we talked but didn't eat - shortly after she left I got really emotional which kinda surprised me. Not long after that my friend called and came over though, and we had a great time.
We had a wonderful dinner - the dogs ran themselves silly in the yard - watched a few movies - drank too much wine ... it was fun all the way around.
Today I saw my Aunt for the first time in 6 years and my grandma for the first time in 10-12 (not sure exactly). Unfortunately my dad got really sick tonight so he's been mostly sleeping or throwing up (sorry if TMI)... but it's been good to catch up w/my family. Grandma looked way better than I expected based on descriptions - yes, VERY frail, but she had her hair and clothes all fixed up the way she always likes - she's a very formal lady. So that was kinda neat.
Hope everyone else is well. Not sure how long my borrowed wireless will last so gotta run for now, but will catch up and post more soon.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Oh and MK - I have a prediction for your work that you WILL be sick on the night of 12/8.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
sounds like a different but fun Thanksgiving! Glad you got to see your family still!
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Sorry I haven't updated in awhile! Had a busy weekend with my visit to my Aunt and then catching up on everything else. Too much GAL'ing I guess.
Sunday I went to the Trans Siberian Orchestra with my mom - a relatively new holiday tradition of ours (think this is our 3rd year). It was an incredible show, as always. Loved it!!
Other than that... sitch wise, I guess I haven't had a whole lot to say. I am kinda mad at myself for not moving into my room yet, but I am kind of feeling the need to just "be still and watch" for awhile again. I keep starting to move, but it's just SO hard to do when I'm seeing signs that things are improving. H is home every night or telling me exactly where he is/what he's doing, no texting at all in a few weeks, we've even gone out to dinner a couple times and it was nice. We hug and kiss bye before work in the AM and hi when we get home... we snuggle in bed.. things like that. Heck the other day he even mentioned putting up the Christmas tree together. And yet I KNOW they are basically "scraps" - the connection isn't there, the commitment isn't there - it's not enough for a true R. As I mentioned to someone in an email, the scraps aren't enough, but they are SOMETHING. Half of me feels like I'm just not ready for the big shake up right now... the other half thinks that I need to just get it over with rather than waiting for H to drop another bomb. I think I should have done it before the Thanksgiving... now it kinda feels like "just hold on through the holidays." So for now.. just holding on again, but I recognize it's my choice and I'm not letting myself get caught up in the rollercoaster again.
At the concert I remembered a conversation I had with my Mom last year. We were talking about how much H would enjoy the show and I said "Well at least by this time next year things will either be over or a helluva lot better." Here we are a year later and things are eerily the same. Though I am much stronger and feel much more ready to face the future, so that's the good side of it.
In non-H related areas, everything is going really well. The group of ladies I've been getting together with has gradually expanded and now there are about 8 of us that plan to get together once a week. Makes me happy, as it's one more night a week I will FOR SURE have a GAL commitment!
There is also a new meetup group that started and I recognize a lot of the members. I'm very excited because it's a "Saturday night club" (it's just called "Sacramento Saturdays" but they plan to basically visit the fun night club type places). I really miss going out dancing and such but haven't found many other people who are into that, so I'm looking forward to joining this group! Most of the other meetups tend to be mid-week too, so I'm very happy to find a weekend one. Their first one is this weekend - I'm torn between that and a Christmas fair / tree lighting thing. Always nice to have options.
The weekend after that is the Northern CA DB meet that I'm organizing in Sonoma - very excited for that!!
I'm guessing the rest of the month will be a mad rush to get ready for Christmas . I have just BARELY even started shopping, eek!
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Hey Nikki - sounds like you are super super busy! That's great!
I hear you on the moving out thing...having given my H the freedom to do as he pleases he appears to be making more of an effort in our R. I too had planned on moving out of our room (at the very least - out of the house certainly crossed my mind) but with him making more of an effort, I wonder if that is what i should do - so torn. Part of me tells me to keep moving away to see what will happen, the other part is lazy, I guess, or I just enjoy the "progress" that is being made. My C, though would suggest that the more I walk away, the more distance I create, the more H will come back.
Clearly I have no advice, but you never know what would happen if you moved out. You don't HAVE to stay out for months. Try a night or two and see what his reaction is. I have left our room to sleep on the couch before and H has come by later with a blanket and slept on the floor next to me - kind of like a "sit in" refusing to leave me in the living room alone. Your H's reaction may really surprise you.
Me: 34 H: 39 M: 7 yrs H A 12/05-8/07
If what you say surprises me, I must have been assuming something else was true. - M. Wheatley
Nice to know you're doing well and keeping busy with all your GALing. It really sounds like you've had some great things happening. The annual show you went to with your Mom sounds nice. I'm so glad you recognize how much stronger you are now than you were a year ago. Don't forget that. I know we don't always feel like it.
As far as your sitch goes, I know exactly what you mean about not wanting to do anything when you're seeing some improvement. Personally, I think you deserve to ask for exactly what you want now... not have to wait until the holidays are over. And that doesn't have to mean moving into that room. Maybe it becomes your backup plan.? It is really great that you're seeing some positive changes.
Maybe I'm not the one to be giving advice but I'll share what I'm thinking anyway and hopefully others will chime in. It can be easy to settle when there's improvement. I know! I lived that for years. It's okay to have what you want, Nik, it really is. I didn't do myself or my M any favors by accepting less than what I wanted. Like you, I didn't have unrealistic expectations. You aren't asking for too much.... I think you're not asking for enough.
It seems like you have a good idea of what you want. Right now, your H is very likely to be more motivated to make the changes needed than he will be if you wait... imho. I'm afraid you will be setting another precedent that this is acceptable for you, and your power position will get weaker as time goes by. Just my thoughts. I'm getting the feeling this is already starting to happen. You both deserve to build on those positives, and they'd have a LOT more value with a commitment from him. Value yourself. Remember, you're teaching him how to treat you.
You could do both of you a big favor by bringing this up. It doesn't have to be a "shake up". It could be presented to him in an opportunistic way. It's proactive. You'd be truly standing up for your M and yourself. You could let him know you are liking what you've been seeing from him, and because of those things you are open to not separating like you had discussed... then make it clear what you want if you are going to do that. ????
Okay, that's all I have for now.
Keep us updated. Have a great week! Love, f21
Me: 37 M: 14 yrs Separated 10/06; Filed for D 12/07 Life is good.
... it was fun all the way around. 
