No point bringing up the counseling. Some things are just too little too late, and that's one of them.
One thing about this dinner meeting. Be happy or at least upbeat. Do not appear crushed, cry, or otherwise appear a broken man. You can listen, but don't be a doormat. Your focus of this meeting is to be sure you protect your time with your daughter and not get screwed on child support. Her focus, no matter how you try to dissect it, is to get the most she can. She may even cry and appear broken up about things. You can be understanding, but keep in mind that some of it may only be fear of the future and fear she can't get you to pony up the child support money. I'm sure this is eventually going to require a lawyer.
As you said yourself, you've dissected this every which way. Except one. You haven't dissected this with negative possibilities in mind. She DOES actually want a divorce. She DOES believe that it's the best for her. She DOES think that you can never be the man for her. Consider this....you don't have anything to lose because you've lost it already. You have more to gain by showing her that you're a great guy, but that you are worthy of respect by establishing your boundaries.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
