Back at DB/new marriage new WAW

[dh4320]

Ty, Ann

I have to stay strong as i am doing this for my own self being and for my children, since you are a woman and her age what is she going through with this, she has complained that i am not around enough and controlling those both kinda contradict each other,,,,, if you get a chance read my whole thread maybe u can shed some light....

[ann25]

I read the whole thing. I know that PPD effects a lot of women. Luckily I never struggled with that, but if she never took any medication for it and never got help, she is living in a whole different world.

This is all speculation as I don't know her, but...

Why she is right - She has to be. She feels lost and confused and now that she has started pushing away the one stable thing she's had, she has to be right. If she's not about every little thing, then she is wrong about everything. Probably just the thought of that kills her.

I had an EA for a few months. It's over and done and it was never all I thought it was, but during that time, nothing my H did was right and he caused this and it was all his fault. Why? I had to justify what I was doing. I knew it was wrong, but otherwise i couldn't deal with it.

Also, she has decided she is done. Everything you've done (as far as she's concerned) is a personal attack against her. You have been protecting your children and your heart. Not to mention your home and business. She doesn't see it like that. To her, this is all you getting back at her for ???. I'm sure she thinks she is innocent in everything. This is probably why she's lying. She sees it as getting back at you. You (she thinks) lied in order to get the court order, so now this is revenge.

she has complained that i am not around enough and controlling those both kinda contradict each other.

They do and don't, depends on the sit. I say that cause i feel the same way sometimes. My H has a way of controlling me by maknig me feel guilty (not saying you do this, just explaining what she could be thinking) He'll ask me to do something, for instance, make him something to eat after I've already cooked and cleaned up from dinner. and if I'm tired or busy, then, rather than say "i understand, I'll just get it" he'll say "oh, ok, well, i guess it wasn't important anyways". For G*ds sake, he's hungry, of course it's important. It's not overtly controlling, but it has the same effect. He also does the blatant control thing, but that's different. At the same time, if we have an arguement, he will leave or sit in his (home) office for the rest of the night and ignore me. This happens a lot. So its like he's either not around (physically/emotionally) or he's trying to run things.

Hope this maybe helped you get a little insight. Just keep staying strong for your little ones. They will always know that Daddy is there to help and love and protect them. I'm praying for you all.

[dh4320]

Thank you anne, my sister is named anne anyway i think you hit the nail on the head, you almost explained my W to a T. I will keep posting and any help you can provide i appreciate.

D

[ann25]

you almost explained my W to a T.

that's almost scary that I can get her that well.

j/k - I'm pretty stubborn and can be hard headed if I'm not paying attention. If I don't watch myself, i can get really carried away with it. I can't imagine what she's thinking and feeling with that mixed with depression. I know it's hurting you deeply, but she is suffering in her own way. Just keep standing up to her and holding your ground, she needs help and she has to decide to get it.

u keep posting - i'll keep reading!

ann (it really is a lovely name, hehe... )

[dh4320]

Thanks anne,

We did not talk at all yesterday, she did not see the kids. I think she has been looking for a job,daycare and place to live b4 our informal mediation tomorrow because all that will come up/ I told her she needed to have all those in line and a spych eval done with the results b4 i agree to what we will mediate tomorrow, i dont know if there are other people out there who have friends trying to set you up with other people so quickly but they are coming out of the woodwork. A little about myself(trying not to sound arrogant) I m 6'1" 225 Pounds(well built) hit the gym 6 days a week, own a successful contstruction company and a Deputy Sheriff part-time, was full time and SWAT sniper until my business took off. I have a shaved head goatie a few tattoos(worked in Narcotics for a while) and look like TIm Mcgraw(with a shaved head). In other words people are telling me i will be chased when more people find out im divorcing or separated, feels good but not what i want. I guess what i am saying is i need to work on the inner changes not so much the exterior. My W told me last week she is still physically attracted to me but not emotionally. So i guess time will tell and so will tomorrow's mediation.

D

[ann25]

hehe... you are too funny. You are a good looking guy and you take care of yourself, that's not arrogant, that's probably fact. Be proud of that.

It's amazing how many of my girlfriends have tried to set me up with people or said "hey I know this guy that would love you"... It's like they can't understand why I wouldn't want to move on after everything that's happened. No, I'm not happy with the sit, but I am working on my marriage. Some of my friends just don't get that. They don't understand why.

You work on the inside and get through that mediation and you never know what could happen. Hopefully the psych eval will help her see that maybe she has some issues to deal with. Maybe get her some help too.

Good Luck tomorrow!

[dh4320]

Thanks Anne,

After i wrote my last post i went to get the kids. The sitter told me my W came by for about 4 hours and hung out with our kids. I asked the sitter how her mood was. She said she was real quiet and almost comatose. Didnt talk much did not seem happy. She is probably nervous about todays mediation or maybe she is really taking in the reality of all this, i am sticking to my guns today and we will see what happens.

[dh4320]

Im curious if she is going to stick to what we have agreed to or go for my throat in this mediation, i also delayed the custody hearing byt agreeing to this mediation which will keep her from the kids even longer, i will post again after the mediation.

D

[dh4320]

Hi all,

Mediation did not go in the W's favor, i knew she would try and stretch what i was willing to do. I called her attorney a tool and told him he only knows half the facts. He said i have a family violence case pending against me, i told him if i did the cops would have talked to me by now. He forgets i am a cop and i know how the system of an investigation works. In any case let me list what she wanted(dont laugh too much)

Primary Parent
1800 a month child support(TX maximum)
1000 a month in rent
Car payment and insurance
1500 a month for full time daycare
3000 for her school
10000 in cash for furnishings

So to say i agreed(no) its been 2 weeks she still doesnt have a job(says she has looked) she is just floating around on this magic carpet waiting for me to cave and bail her out, well its not going to happen, i told my attorney to reschedule the hearing but drag it out, she needs to stew a bit in this mess she has created. I know she could look in my eyes and she knows im not going to participate in this drama she has created. After the mediation she sent me a txt that asked if i wanted my jacket that was in her car. i typed back you can put it in the mailbox. I have completely turned on her emtionally and i dont think she likes it very much.

[ann25]

Ok... so she's living in her own little fantasy world. LOL - I can't believe she honestly thinks she'd get that. WOW.

She asked for this new life, now she's going to see how it really is. I agree, let her stew in it. She's going to have to get a job.

She's the one that decided you aren't her prince charming anymore, she can't expect you to come to the rescue...

Good for you on the detachment.