Corri Him: You pursued him. Then you did mental warfare. Then you withdrew. You found an Alpha, acting as Beta.... and then you withdrew. You got him by default, because he didn't know what he wanted himself. He just responded to your tactics.
This happens to a lot of young people dating and eventually getting M.
Did any of the other guys on this forum get just a little thrill upon hearing this?
No HD it didn't. It made me think how I am a too easygoing guy, not willing to PO someone else.
If I did anything like the prescribed incident RE: Corri's bf calling her dad a leach, etc, the strongest thing I would have done was to say to her dad was he needed to figure out who was the parent and who was one responsible for his care. I would have added Corri was a single mother with her own charges (kids) she was responsible for.
That might be the least confrontive way to say it all and still get the point across.
My perspective is, Corri has a good shrink so what I say or think is mostly a caring opinion and maybe not what needs to happen or how to do it.
As far as Corri saying On bended knee.….Will you marry me? that too I see more as a thank you to Mojo and wished (Corri) she her dad wasn’t in a semi-dependent mode. I see Corri as wanting to be valued, not baught or used.
I understand the girl helping/understanding girl issues and knowing or having more insights at times than boy/girl R’s but I would much rather see boy/girl LTR’s. Just call me old fashioned.
Corri, WTG! My feeling is that your reaction to your bf's presumptiveness, although very real, was something of an overreaction. You have to go to the source. Time to set some long overdue boundaries with your father.
The reaction to my bf was more to the 'wife' reference than the dad issue. So... if had been something to do with my kids, for example, I probably would have reacted the same way.
Throwing in a 'wife' reference to a dating scenario, when marriage has never been seriously put forth on the table... kind of got to me. It scared me more than a little bit, too, truth be known.
Fwiw, I don't necessarily suspect him of being a rescuer, though I definitely would if he did what Mojo described.
Is there a significant part of him that's attracted to you because he thinks you need rescuing? If your life didn't contain many opportunities to be rescued, do you think he'd be just as attracted to you as he is?
I suspect the answer to the first question is no and the answer to the second question is yes, but you obviously know him much better than I do.
Stop WaitingFeel EverythingLove AchinglyGive ImpeccablyLet Go
Mojo) Like maybe grab the phone from your hand while you're talking to your father and say "Listen, you old blood-sucking leech,...
Heh. Hopefully her BF isn't *that* big a rescuer.
LOL. I get your point. Here's what I currently believe. Everybody has to pay P.O.P. if they want to have a functional sexual relationship. The truth that is hidden is that women have to pay it too. Things become literally f*cked up when somebody believes that the man should pay for both OR when somebody believes that there is such thing as P.O.C. There's no such thing as a free sexual lunch for anyone but everybody has to put their money in the kitty because you can't buy c*ck.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Is there a significant part of him that's attracted to you because he thinks you need rescuing? If your life didn't contain many opportunities to be rescued, do you think he'd be just as attracted to you as he is?
Well. I happen to be a very independent woman in some ways. And given my new life, there are things that happen that completely overwhelm me, simply because I haven't dealt with it before, or even thought about it. Then I do my own version of the 'chicken little' thing.
So I probably set him up, in a way, as men tend to offer solutions, rather than encourage women get to their own solutions.
But like I said, often times his solution is to just throw money at it, so I can be 'happy' and not worry. I find that 'devaluing' in some way, and I'm not sure if I can describe it at the moment. I guess... it's that women are BIG on encouragement and emotional support... but not having it done for them.
From the support here... I'm left with facing myself. I've created this because I've allowed it to go on for so long. My shrink got me past my anger and resentment when I'd give my dad money and stuff, and he'd make no effort to get it back to me. I need to have my dad safe. "So make whatever it is you give to him a 'gift,' and let go of your expectations. You might be poor, but you won't be pissed, at least."
Now I'm asking myself... 'why?' What is this whole flippin schtick I got going with him doing for me? Keeping him in my life? At least he calls? What?
And whatever the answer is... the reality of the situation is... my NEED for my OWN (and my kids) safety and security is now greater than my need to keep him safe.
That is the 100% truth of it... and if I don't put me and my kids first, what the he!! is that saying about me? As a person? As a mother? Not much, not to me, anyways.
That's as far as I've gotten with the whole thing, but I'm not so sure I need to dig any deeper at this point. Who I Am and The Person I Want to Be dictates action.
