I can relate to this so much! It is my husband's EXPECTATION that I need to DELIVER and if I'm NOT in the mood, it is NOT OK, that is killing my desire for him. Yes, there's also the fighting. Put these two things together in large quantities and I'm more interested in painting my kitchen!
Does this make sense?
Yes, that makes complete sense. But if you read all of my thread, you will also see that even though BF did all those things, it still didn't lead to sex, and I didn't get myself out of it.
And your answer to me, above, is fine... but what are you going to do about it, now that you know the answer? Staying in that kind of atmosphere says, by your actions, that it is okay for him to treat you that way. It also says to me that you do not respect yourself enough to kick his butt to the curb until he can treat you in a respectable manner.
It is YOUR desire. Take charge of it. If it isn't there, and you want it to be... that's in your realm of control. You don't HAVE to fight with him. You can choose to opt out of it, even if he has completely pissed you off.
Being 'mean' to each other... jeese, that just doesn't even have be an option, if you both don't want it to be.
Just so it doesn't sound like I am landing on you, I am working through this very thing right now.
The only answer I keep coming back to, again and again and again, is for me to be HONEST. I'm crystal clear on what I don't want. Now, I have to be crystal clear on what I do want, and set a time limit.
If I don't do that, I'm going to be wasting a lot of everybody's time.
