Dude I feel your pain in regards to past transgressions. I have come to see that those comments come and go. In the 8 years I have been with my W she has never forgotten anything. And now it is just magnified. We might have a fantastic conversation and at some point she will bring something up for 1/5/8 years ago as if it happened yesterday. And let me tell you, my W have some stuff that she can bring up.
For me, I have had to learn to affirm and agree with those things. I can not take them back, I can not stop the hurt that I have caused, and I certainly am not in a position to argue with her feelings. So when she tells me about something from 2001 I just agree, apologize, and affirm her feelings. I have gotten away from any kind of justification of my behavior or any promises. It doesn't do any good to promise when you have limited integrity you just need to do.
This forum is a great outlet, even just to vent. I have found that it has helped me journal what is going on so I can go back and look at the progression. When I was asked to leave the house in Mid-Oct I thought like you that everything was over. I was a physical and emotional wreck! I could not see life beyond my own pain.
Well, during that time, W wanted nothing to do with me. No amount of begging pleading, crying (heard that before?) was impacting that. Well then I started with the DB books and the coaching and I began to develop a strategy. But most importantly, I decided that I was going to be a different person all the way around. So call it a 180 or whatever, but for me, it was making a wholesale change of who I am and finding some truth in my own heart.
While my W is on the fence for sure, I have had moments of intimacy, moments of closeness, and moments of normalcy. However, I have also had many more moments of the worst on this crap. But, I believe in my love for her and for my boys and am willing to do anything to make this better for all of us.
Listen to these people and your coach. And by all means, keep a positive outlook. When you are in here be as negative as you want, but in real life fake positive if you have to!
Good luck
Me: 33 jacka** whom lied, stole, cheated, and basically treated DW like crap for years DW: 29 kind soul who gave too much to me over the relationship
S7 S4
M: 7yrs Bomb: 10/19 Seperated: 10/24
The worst reconciliation is better than the best divorce
