Went out on this "Black Friday" at the crack of dawn! OMG! AM I tired!
Couldn't help myself. I told XH I saw him on Match. He was so quiet at first but then he talked my ear off. Told me all about this one girl who emailed him..the other one who lied about her age, blah blah..
I joked with him and said basically your profile is asking for someone who is exactly like me?? He said, you are right..
We spoke some more..I really called him about the kids and xmas so we ended the convo with stuff about that..And he said, "so, I guess our xmas will be us all going on a trip together?"
I am like, "uh, sure..(trying to go along with it but not knowing what he means)
He said yeah, instead of us spending alot of dough on the kids lets all go away together..
I said, sure, I can watch the kids while you go out on your dates..
ANd that was that..
He knew I wasn't going to bite the bait.
He likes to play with me and see if I am still interested..
It's sad..I wish we had more to hang onto but we don't. After being alone and then meeting New Guy, I know XH is not the one for me..Even by his profile on the dating websites it is all about him..
He even mentioned in his profile to not even bother contacting him if the socks don't match..
His beef with me..
The freakin socks..
I remembered his gramdmothers middle name, where the last black pen was in the house, but his freakin nike socks may have been matched with his addidas ones..
Oh well..
Oh, another funny thing..
I was thinking about book titles..
I am writing a book, btw..
His first line of his profile eluded to my to be title..I thought that was funny..
And..
he told me about the girl from match he has been emailing so I looked her up..
The first line of her profile
So, I guess its MY TURN NOW!
How funny is that?
It gave me the willies..
But still funny..
Okay..off to take a nap..I am one tired chickadee from all the action around here.
Date with New Guy tonight..Kids with Nutty Koo Koo XH..
Already had my nap from the craziness this morning. Why do I endure it every year? Guess for the bonding experience with my sister.
Hmmmmmmm How about that book title! That gave me the willies.
Only other thought is about you and the Nutty Koo Koo (love that!) now being friends: If you can get to that place after all he put you through (I still can't get over the spitting incident!), then maybe there is hope for all of us. I am happy for you and even more happy for your kids. You're a good person and life will only get better for you. Gotta run. Have a date with MY NG tonite. Isn't life grand?
Spitty
Always do right. This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest. Mark Twain
I've been on and off these boards since my H left in January. I have read your thread here, and I'm impressed and find real comfort in the amount of self-esteem and confidence your writing expresses.
I have a question for you: Do you think that your ability to get beyond the marriage was helped b/c your XH wasn't kind and there was an OW involved? If he had been kind, patient, no OW - just in personal pain and needing to leave the pressure of relationships period -- do you think it would have been harder or taken longer? Just a question (this is for a "friend" )
Thanks for the visit! I totally agree..These guys are hard to deal with and no, I still don't trust XH..I doubt I ever will. I have learned there is always tricks up his sleeve when he is nice so I never really let my guard down..
In some ways it was easier to end the M because there was an OW and XH wasn't nice..however, in general, I would have much rather been in a better place emotionally with him during the D. He was nasty and no, it wasn't easy dealing with restraining orders, etc...but I see where you are coming from. When someone is kicking you when you are down it's easier to say ENOUGH! But if XH was nice but still wanting to leave, it may have been harder for my psyche to end things.
Bottom line..we weren't meant to be..
As for me..very tough weekend..OMG..it was horribly emotional.
I think after THanksgiving my mind just went beserk. Holidays always do that to me..I start going down memory lane and think what if, etc. I know that XH is defintely not for me but I get sad that I am no longer married, etc..
New Guy and I hit a crossroads as a result. I have been with him for two and a half years now and was wondering where he is at emotionally..I didn't know where his mind was at as far as marriage, etc. It's like the subject is taboo but we act like we are married..so weird. I have never been divorced so it's hard not to think that these are emotional scars coming to a head. When you are with a new person and you may start to ponder M or the future, stuff is bound to go on inside your head.
I am scared to get hurt and so is he. We talked and talked..cried and talked..We realize that we want the same things which is good. Getting there is another story..when you have two houses, three kids, four animals, crazy exes..it's not like we can just mesh happily ever after..
But the good news is that I realize that I am stronger than I thought and will lay my heart out there and I did..
New Guy was wonderful and told me he wants to be with me forever.
That was really nice to hear.
So I am licking my old wounds but allowing my heart to open up again..
I have been stewing for a few days about XH's profile on match. It seems he "listed" stuff he DIDN'T like about me on his bio. Meaning: "if you do (this) or (this), don't contact me" is what he wrote.
At first it didn't bother me. I thought, "typical dig". Then, I started to become mad, humiliated, sheer pissed off!
Basically, his profile says he is a "humble guy" that is not cocky, arrogant, abusive, womanizer, none of that. So, by default, you should contact him for a date for the things he is NOT. He always said that to me.. I am not a drunk, etc., you should be grateful to have me. Like I should reward him for NOT doing bad things..
geez..
So, the last paragraph of his match profile he says this stuff. He addresses the sock issue again. The G.D. socks. Basically, I did everything in the house, cooking, cleaning, laundry, decorating, repairs, etc. But, if he had two socks that were mismatched HE WOULD FREAK!
Over and over again he would yell that there were socks in the sock laundry basket that weren't matched up.
Why he didn't do it himself you ask? Because he didn't think he HAD TO!
So, here we go again.
I read the last biline to his profile about things not matching and freaked out.
I know, I know, let it go. Oh, he also lists how loaded he is is in the income part. (news to me!)
Okay, time to cool down.
Both my mom and my friend said that they thought him going on match.com was his way of getting to me. They thought his whole bio on himself was saying to me "look, I am a nice guy, if you handn't screwed up and just done the few things I asked for, we would still be together"..
GAG!
Okay, I am done now.
Other than screwed up Nutty Koo Koo XH, all is good. I had my first observation from one of my advisors from school and did very well. I was pretty nervous to be teaching and have someone taking notes on me..but all turned out just peachy.
I love my job..
Kids are terrific and teaching college freshman is so rewarding. It really is.
Okay, time to go let off some steam.
No, I am not contacting XH. That is what he wants.
He can just continue to serial date. Yup, looks like he and the rat are kapoot..
Oh, did I tell you he broke up with her via text message while she was away at Club Med.
Just want to second the motion that your EX looks like a total.... what's your name, oh yeah, Nutty Koo Koo for discussing socks on his Match profile. You've got to be kidding me! Does he really think that is a way to snag babes? I laughed out loud when I read that.
I don't go on those computer dating sites so I obviously don't know what I'm talking about when it comes to profiles and such. So take what I say with a grain of salt. I just know I wouldn't be drooling over some guy who obsesses about his socks. I'm guessing he thought it should have been important to you since it was important to him and that by NOT matching his socks, it was a personal slam to him....meant you didn't love him. Whatever.
Thanks for the chuckle. Have a great day.
Always do right. This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest. Mark Twain
I think matching socks is right up there with folding underpants in the unacceptable to any reasonable woman stakes. But let's face it, if he found a reasonable woman what would he do with her?
You couldn't get a friend to respond and have a little obsess about her knicker and bra drawer could you? They needn't ever mett - just exchange emails about tidy underwear drawers: a vital part of any meaningful r.
Sorry for your recent bout of emotions about the Match thing.
But, I wonder why you are looking at this at all. I say this only because I have seen how far you have come, and want to go. It's more than letting go. You have done so much, you are so strong and wonderful....I want you to cut the emotional ties he still has. We all have that to some degree.....
I don't know if he does this to bait you, irritate you, or just because he's a prick and wants to date and it has nothing to do with you. It shouldn't.
You were a good wife. Who cares about the socks. You know the truth. That should be enough.
What I DO care about is that he still baits you, with his little comments of still "looking for someone like you"....he makes awful comments about boobs and Playboy in front of your daughter, his Rat strips in front of your son, and the Rat is using your SS#. THOSE things bother me. Those things impact your life and the life of your kids. Not his Match profile, sweetie.
Back to your life. Back to dropping the axe when his dysfunctional, abusive, narcissitic ways start to ooze into your life or the kids. Zero tolerance.
First thing you MUST start believing: You were a WONDERFUL wife. You were an AMAZING wife. You know the TRUTH. You are a CATCH.
Given the life your H threw away, and the one he leads now (which is fit for Jerry Springer), do you give a rats a$$ about what he writes to some cyber woman about you?
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