Don't know what I'm doing anymore - Help.

[ann25]

I've seen a lot of people just journal feelings and thoughts here, so I'm going to also - There are sooo many.

I feel like I have to work overtime to make up for what I did. I regret it and I hate that I did it, but at this point I can't take it back.

Last night a friend of my H stayed overnight. Makes for a odd dynamic. He and I get along really well, so when he's there my H kinda just sits back. H was quiet all evening and I asked him what was wrong. He says nothing. Over and over again he says nothing. I ask him to come into the other room and he wants to know why I don't like coming home to him. I told him that things aren't where they were when we started, but It's better than it was about 6 months ago. We also have 2 kids now and a house and we both work full time. He watched "I love lucy" - That show drives me crazy. H says "they are always so excited to see each other at the end of the day" I told him that's TV. We've never been like that.

I don't know what he wants from me. I try to be positive and point out how things are better than they were, but he always comes back with the negative. Sometimes it feels like he just wants me to be the bad guy and say it's not going to get any better.

He tells me that everytime we are apart he thinks the next time I see him I'm going to tell him that it's over. That I'm just waiting for the right time to end it. I could have done that by now if that was what I wanted. I try to tell him that. I've explained it over and over, but he just doesn't get it or doesn't listen. I'm not sure anymore.

It's like everything he does drives me crazy. I'm annoyed by little things. His need for praise for every little thing he does. He actually picked up my Ds room yesterday. I did notice and tell him how nice it was and thanked him. but he keeps bringing it up. How long it took. What all he did. I'd love to tell him "I know, I do it all the time" but I don't.

Ok. I'm done complaining now - hehe.