Oh my goodness, Corri... Just found this quote from you...
"I've been 'focused' on cooking, cleaning, keeping things running smooth, attending to one and all... and there is no sexual desire anywhere in sight. I'd like to go 'get off,' but to have that... relaxed connection? Please. I'm not relaxed, and when I do 'relax,' I'm falling asleep.
So my bf asks me about this last night. He asked me if I had been horny. I was honest. No. Not really. But it didn't have anything to do with him... I explained the above to him.
Now... my bf RARELY initiates. He subtly invites. If I don't make a move with that... he doesn't do anything. It'll lead to crap sex, because he knows I don't really want it. And he won't go there.
I don't have the gumption to get there right now, and I feel very bad about that. I feel guilty. I feel like I am letting us down. So we talked about THAT... not 'how come you don't WANT me?' I do want him. I just don't have the energy right now to get me there. I'm 'taking care' of people right now, and that does NOT feed sexual desire.
So he hugs me and kisses me and kind of rubs my back and we go to sleep.
Today... his whole persona changed... he's become... a MAN magnet. I don't know if I can describe it... just that... his looks are smokey... his hugs are smokey... his little kisses are smokey... and he WALKS AWAY from me. ZOWEEEEEE... WHEW DOGGIE. He has not touched one erogenous zone... he has not said one thing to me about sex, or desire, or anything... but I want to touch that man in all kinds of ways right now....
He is... inspiring me? I've noticed it, certainly. It makes me smile. It touches me. Not one cross word has he spoken to me. Not one. He just doesn't want crap sex and he will NOT accept it. So I guess he's doing his part to get the kind of sex he wants... and that feeds my 'desire' beyond just having an O. He's.... helping me. Not putting me down, calling me names, asking me why I've seemingly changed..."
I can relate to this so much! It is my husband's EXPECTATION that I need to DELIVER and if I'm NOT in the mood, it is NOT OK, that is killing my desire for him. Yes, there's also the fighting. Put these two things together in large quantities and I'm more interested in painting my kitchen!
