It is not just about the sex, I need to feel desired and loved sexually. I have told her this, but she doesn't believe me.
Why isnt it just about the sex? Isnt sex in and of itself a legitimate need?
You say "I need to feel desired and loved sexually."
How have you proved this to her?
If you havent, why would she believe you?
Here are a couple of quotes how women have had it proved to them.
Quote:
it finally took my H saying he wanted a D. Sorry I don't have better news. I don't know that I ONLY had the "mommy syndrome," but other things that go along w/ it as well. I was very unhappy w/ ME b/c I had completely lost any sense of SELF.
If you W has any of the above 'issues', it is her problem and not your job to fix. If you love her, get out of her way, stop trying to fix it for her, and give her the opportunity and choice to fix it herself. She'll get a lot more satisfaction from doing it herself.
Quote:
When he finally told me about [the affair] it had the same effect as Red's H asking for a D. It made me realise how much I was going to lose and that I did love my H. It opened my eyes and I really 'saw' him again as a person and not just a H and a father. I started to put much more into our R as at the end of the day the children will fly the nest and he and I hopefully will still be together.
You dont know me, but Im really really really anti-adultery. REALLY. I quote this, because it shows its about her perspective. HER perspective. You dont have control over that, no matter how many of her requests and hoops you jump thru.
Let me break it down a little a further.
You need water. When you get kinda thirsty, you can ask for a glass of water. If its not given to you, you WILL go get water for yourself-- somehow-- someway. At some point nothing will get in the way of you obtaining that water that you need. That is an actionable demonstration that you need water.
What actionable demonstrations in the past 15 years has your W seen that you "need to feel desired and loved sexually?"
Zero.
Personally, I would keep it simple and straight forward and say "I require sex." Takes away the 'hidden agenda' hook they like to hang their hat on, and passively aggressively punish you with, for not being brutally direct and straight forward.
Before you say that though, determine,
Do you require sex? If not, dont bother saying it. You dont prove anything with words. She'll just smile at you, pat you on the head, and continue with what she was doing.
