I Was Almost A Walk-Away Wife (next thread)

[sandi2]

The reason I was wanting to be able to work is b/c the depression lightens when I can stay busy. Just like exercise is good for depressed people. It is a form of therapy.

As far as what happen between me and my H, We were not that affectionate. I would give him a kiss (peck on the lips) goodbye and sometimes goodnight and that was all. A time or two I tried to sit next to him on the couch. But, I couldn't seem to bring myself to cuddle or any of that other stuff. I may have led you to believe things were better than what they were...physically. I'm sorry if I did that. We were getting along better.....and still are, in fact. We don't fuss and act like we are in a bad mood all the time, etc. But as far as the physical, well as little as it was, I think I stopped and he never started. If I don't offer to do the kissing....it just don't happen. He never makes a move toward me.

I'm sorry, but I'm not at a good place with him lately. I don't know if things will ever be like they used to be when we were younger. Don't feel like getting off into all of it right now. I just don't seem to have the loving feelings I should have toward him. Some of the things he does is driving me crazy. It is just the wear and tear of putting up with it every day and knowing it isn't going to stop b/c he is not going to change. I want him to get up and go to work in the mornings like most men do instead of laying around the house until almost noon and then go to work.....(he is self employed). He needs all the work he can get right now to pay bills and Christmas coming up. He puts off doing the taxes and anything that has to do with paper work....or anything period. He never saves receits for the taxes to count off for his self-employed job or keeps any books. He won't let me throw anything away and he keeps everything....except what he should (like receipts). He has nothing to show! He brings home junk and piles in the back yard until I am so embarrased for people to know where I live.....these are just a few of the things that work on my nerves. I have talked to him about it, but it does no good at all.

I am suppose to see my doctor this week and I am going to tell him that the Zoloft is not helping at all....in fact, I think I may be a little worse.

I'm sorry DomR, I'm just too down to try to deal with it right now. Maybe another day, I can be more positive. Thanks for caring.

P.S. I don't know if I answered you question or not Dom, you may have to ask me again. I can't seem to get it together the past couple of weeks.