I just feel like crap. Still. Wish I hadn't gone and opened something I shouldn't have in my own head.

Ellie...I think you're right... I don't have the heart to really date, and I know that would just complicate this mess even further. Even if I were totally through, I wouldn't want to date for a long while. (I have to admit, if there were no kid, I doubt I'd be talking to him. But, kid, plus major growing up in other ares of his life, so I'm still paying attention.)

We did talk some last night, and he did admit that he didn't like the idea of me dating, but "couldn't stop me". The talk seemed to imply that he couldn't understand how I hadn't already met somehow. Um, how? Moron. I work. I pick up the baby. I go to bed. Repeat. By the weekend, I just want to spend time with my kid.

Weird that TWG and PM both seem to come up a lot more lately in our discussions. I suspect he was more bothered by those two guys than he has let on in the past. I wonder if he doesn't really believe me that neither one turned physical...?

Also weird. We wound up cuddling some last night when he dropped by to see the baby. (???) Said he would do whatever it took to be able to continue to sleep next to him at night. Except, of course, for JD to go bye-bye.

Oh. As my hormones are totally out of control (I'm HD, and no nookie for two months...yiiiikes...)...I ...uh ...made a very forward pass at xh. \:o He did turn me down. (Barely.) He said it "wasn't because of JD", just that he didn't want me to yell at him anymore.

The good thing...xh didn't freak out that I climbed on him. \:\) Also good, he told me no, and I didn't get upset, or freak out, or get mad. (Like he thought I would.) He told me he was afraid I would be mad at him if we did, since, apparently, all our problems come down us having sex.

The bad thing...I feel like I could climb a tree!

Azhira

my confusion