Pieces are Coming Together

[Torchbearer]

Thanks fish. Taking it slow is key. I'm pretty impatient, but through this whole process I've been learning patience. Everything I've read, here on the forums and in books say to go slow in reconciliation because you don't want to fall into the old patterns. I have told myself repeatedly that I do NOT want to repeat the last few months of my life ever again and I think H would second that. So, as you probably noticed in my posts I do lots of self coaching. I tell myself I have to go slow. It is what I want, but I slip. I tell myself that I am confident and create my own happiness. Again, true, but reminding myself helps. And, most importantly, I tell myself that I am proud of my changes and I am proud of the changes in H. I will never take him for granted again. I will share my emotions instead of letting them come out sideways and I will respect his feelings. If I keep coaching myself on these things I am constantly reminded of the progress I am making and why. I am reminded of what I don't want to repeat. Eventually I won't have to coach myself and it will be natural, but I'm not setting that aside yet. I'm not foolish. I know if I quit my coaching I would slip into my old patterns and so would he - not a good thing. As H just said recently "We need to go slow because I'm not strong enough to fight falling into our old patterns and I don't think you are either." He is completely right. I know this. It doesn't mean that separation isn't difficult - it is. But I know that we are each continuing to work on ourselves and absence does make the heart grow fonder, especially if you know the absence isn't permanent.

I'm working very hard at being in a good place and I think I'm almost there. I have a C session on Friday and they almost always give me a boost.