Why can't I do this....

[houndfan]

And it resumes.

After several days of feeling like I had my family back, we have resumed the seperation. I have been asked to go back to where I had been staying again with the I don't want to give you the wrong idea speach as well as I don't want you to think that you are moving back in.

Last night I went to the house afterwork to drop off some things that she needed and to fix the Computer (done deal BTW). She asked if I would stay for some TV, we spooned on the couch a little then she asked if I would give her a back rub on the floor. Done.

During the backrub she mentioned to me that her friend said that in Florida we could get a no-contest D and resolve custody for about $300. That is the first she had mentioned something like that. She also mentioned that she would like an Erotic Massage book WTF....

Anyhow, when she wanted to go to bed I knew that I would be leaving, so I went up gave the boys kisses and went in to give her a hug. It was the first hug in days that was very sterile.

She asked if I was ok to which I said yes, but that this was hard after being with her for so many days. She said that she knows and that she is grieving the loss of her marriage and needs to be alone. I agreed and left.

This am I get a call to help with S7 off to school and I could not do it and I could tell that she was upset.

This rollercoaster sucks. I know that she had said that we should not sleep together until we go to MC thursday, but I am so anxious for the visit. And then to have her tell me last night how much she appreciates all that I have done for her in the last week or so and that I don't have to do it knowing that she is loeaving me just really put me in a down place.

Normally my Tuesday men's group puts me in a better mood, but not this week. I hope I have the strength to weather all of this....