I do think H hates himself. He would deny it, of course. He thinks I'm the cause of all his problems.
As far as H being right, he was. I put everyone else ahead of myself. Look where it got me. My D18 will never do that.
I do things for myself all the time now. I have beautiful lingere, I'm working on my wardrobe, but since I'm still losing weight, I'm doing that slowly. I have always loved shoes and handbags and now I buy them when I want to and don't worry about doing something for me. I get my nails done and get pedicures on a regular basis. I got highlights in my hair a few weeks ago and it is longer than it has been in a long time. I get compliments everywhere I go on my hair.
I like who I am becoming. Having a job has given me some confidence back. I know I'm a good, valuable person. I know I'm not the troll H makes me out to be. He on the other hand was never a "looker" and that isn't what I loved about him. He knows that and that's another projection. No one could believe he got me, that is the truth. I let myself go and there is not an acceptable excuse for it. I wish I had cared more for myself. I can't change that. One good thing that's come from this is I found me again.
I stayed away from him when I got home this evening. He had to scrounge around for something to eat as I had eaten at the mall with all the kids. We did some Christmas shopping today and it turned out to be a nice day.
Thanks for all the input and ideas. I'm sort of fuzzy from all the ups and downs. I need to get my head straight. I also need to stay clear of him because no matter what I say, its turned against me.
Hugs, Sun
"Tell me what you plan to do with your one wild and precious life." Mary Oliver
