Pieces are Coming Together

[Torchbearer]

I've had a pretty good night. I had work to bring home and took care of that. While working on that H called. Yea! I said I wasn't expecting it and I wasn't. It was a nice surprise. I actually don't want to get into the habit of hearing from him every night we're not together. That will create a level of expectation for me that will set me up for disappointment if he doesn't call. I might mention that to him - basically don't call because you feel obligated, call because you want to. Last week on Tuesday when he called he said it was because he wanted to hear my voice, not because he had to, so maybe he doesn't feel obligated, but I want to make sure.

Now I am going to relax and enjoy a little time doing nothing since the rest of my week is going to be crazy.

His company Christmas party is coming up - I don't know when exactly, but I know the local event they are going to. We did it last year and it was a lot of fun. I asked him if his company was doing that again this year. That was it. He dropped it. I didn't ask when exactly (there are several dates for this event), if he was going or if I was invited. I somehow think he will go and not invite me, which I really can't blame him for. I did go into his office a couple months ago and demand his keys. He probably is not ready for me to be in front of his co-workers until we are more secure. I don't blame him, but I'm still kind of sad all the same. I would like to go and it would be fun. But it is up to him if he is going and if he wants to invite me. I will be disappointed, but I WILL NOT let him know that. I will only hope that he has a good time.

I will be glad when school is done and I can get out and do some things too so I don't feel like I am left at home. Now I feel that I am so tied up in responsibility and it's killing me. I definitely know that H's opinion about me taking a semester off is right on. I need the time and we need the time without the pressure.

Baby steps. We are doing great. We are going slow. I'm more in love with him every day, even more than before. I think it's mutual. I am committed to my new self. I am committed to contribute to his happiness and will do whatever is in my power to make sure that he is happy. I will support him in his changes and efforts. I will support and validate him in any way possible. I will NOT be overbearing, which sometimes I am without trying. I've got a strong personality, but fortunately so does he. I will strive to be the person I want to be until those changes are habit and just a natural part of me. I think I am doing good so far, but I want to continue.

I keep trying to think of nice things to do for him - my love language is gifts. It isn't his, but all the same. One of his LLs is touch. I'm not a real touchy-feely person but I've been generous with both giving and receiving of hugs and holding hands. Guess what, I like it. It makes me feel really close to him and I know it makes him happy. Hmmm. It looks like I've been babbling. I guess that's okay.