I was much like your W. I thought that oral sex was probably not very appropriate either. I was brought up in a strict religious home. I had some hang-ups for a long time. It was very, very hard for me to get to the place that I could totally be uninhibited. In fact, I don't know that I ever did completely. But what concerns me is that I am afraid the two of you will end up like me and my H and I don't want that for you. He was much like you are and he decided if we had sex then I would be the one to start it.....it didn't happen. So, you are cutting your nose off to spite your face when you have that attitude.
If you know what her "love language" is, then by all means use it. Mine was intimate conversation.....which I never got except one time and I almost ate him up that night. You would think he would have gotten the hint....but guess not. Acts of service or gifts or any of that stuff did nothing for me. Everytime he cleaned house or did any stuff I had been asking for ever....I knew why he was doing it and it would just turn me off more. He always had that look in his eyes. But, he wouldn't talk to me...and that was what I was starved for.
Don't give up trying to find help. Maybe a doctor could give her something to help her. But, mostly the right kind of therapy is needed. There are actually some good sex books at the Christian book stores. Dr. James Dobson and Gary Smalley has written some good books.
I think if the two of you could find the "right" counselor, it would unlock some hidden problems that you could deal with and work this out.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
