Sun Facing Reality 5

[forward]

Sun,
I got similar spew. On the letting myself go thing as well.

Although it was unfair of H to hit me with that when I was struggling, he was right. I headed out and got my hair cut and had a makeover. I also have a hot wardrobe, if I do say so myself. I love me. Oh, and I redecorated the house in MY taste, which was another good feeling.

I just love me (blush). When H moved out, I realized I could spend money on ME. So I did. Hee hee hee hee hee. It made me feel feminine and I have summoned my feminine powers with my delicious boots. And if not for H, then for someone else eventually.

So I am a queen now. I love me.

Your H has also given you a clue as to how to react towards him. You got the whole thing where he thinks you'll put up with any of his crap. You need to show him, calmly, that you won't. If you haven't called a DB coach already, consider as they can give you all kinds of ideas on how to do it without showing him the door. But honestly, in my sitch DB coach seemed to feel that having less contact for a time would be good, because then I wouldn't be so angry when I see him. She has been right.

You are angry at him and critical of him, and he gets those vibes, you know? If you want to work on things, you may need some space. Now granted, I think most of us LBSers are justified in seeing our spouses as Big Whiny Babies, but I don't think that treating them that way is going to bring them back.

Here's what happened for me: Yeah, H moved out. I cried for a while and then I realized that not having a sour skulking critical presence around all the time was pretty good. I began to have fun again. And once H was gone, I was able to be nicer to him because I wasn't so angry.

Now, granted, my H now says he wants D but you know, I am accustomed to some peace and quiet now and I have to say that while it does indeed hurt, I think I have surprised him by not being angry or in tears or fearful over his temper tantrums. Since I've let him spin, he's become more respectful and I haven't had a real full-fledged exorcism-worthy spew for a long time now.

And since I feel good about myself now, I think I can weather the difficulties, including a possible D, as needed.

Just my 2 cents.

Oh--and did i say I love ME?

-Queen Breton