I don't know if I should continue to DB.

[forward]

H is not going to family's at Christmas. That means a Christmas alone w/OW. Interesting.

H is ill and has not called about seeing D2. I did not call him. I thought about it but decided not to. It might've been nice but I am tired of being nice. H can soak in his illness w/OW playing nursemaid. I would be surprised if H wanted to spend more time w/D2 since he missed a day with her, but maybe he will.

I saw OW at store. I was surprised that she could drive (I thought she couldn't). The car she was driving was not H's.

I find myself increasingly thinking about filing myself. I rhink about other men and how they put their families first. And I think about whether I think H will ever come around and I do not hold out much hope.

I deserve better.

And with that I move on to plans for the holidays. This weekend I hope to host some people over for a playgroup and then go see the babysitter in program. The following weekend I am invited to a kid's birthday party and the weekend after that I am going to D2's Christmas program. The weekend before Christmas I am hoping for a babysitter who could watch D2 while I do some adult socializing!!

So I anticipate having a busy holiday season and I am OK with it.