Not using the phoney email won't be hard. I really don't know what else to say there now anyway. It is, however, the only "proof" I have that he is at least contemplating an affair (while I suspect he's having one online anyway).
What made you send the email in the first place? is he on a dating site or something? Most people wont respond to a email "out of the blue". what was the setting of your email?
I sent the email because he has been chatting online with several people for several weeks now. I wanted to know if it was innocent. If it was, wouldn't he have responded to such an email with "who the hell are you?" or just deleted it?
The email was very simple...Just a "hi! We have a mutual friend and I think we could have some "fun" together" and he responded.
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Anyway, yes, we have problems. We have not had any kind of physical relationship for a long time. I've tried, but get no response from him. I also have some health problems that make it difficult to be intimate, but I know that I would respond if he showed any initiative...but he hasn't. I'm trying to get the health stuff "fixed", but it isn't easy. And I'm afraid I defeat myself when my insecurities are that he doesn't find me desirable (because he doesn't respond)...its a vicious cycle. .....
I think he also thinks I'm a bit of a prude. I've asked him about his fantasies, but he says he doesn't have any. I caught him looking at a bondage website the other day...that was kinda the tip of the iceberg for me.
So... you want to initiate with him, but dont, because you dont want to deal with rejection.
contrariwise, he might want to have some fantasy sex with you, but doesnt.. because he doesnt want to deal with the embarassment and humiliation of rejection.
(plus.. sometimes, that bondage fantasy, is just that... only a fantasy)
I don't have any problem with participating in fantasies. I have asked him directly if he has any...and he has said no. I would willingly participate with him if he had said anything or shown any interest.
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My husband doesn't work. I am the sole provider in our household.
Wow.. well, that right there, is huge. Apart from other major issues like, "he needs to grow up, and get a job"... he's probably bored, and looking for "excitement".
I'll agree he's bored. But there is nothing that is preventing him from getting a job. He doesn't have to have virtual affairs to not be bored, does he? It's not like there isn't anything for him to do...but I can sympathize, I wouldn't want to do all kinds of housework either. The "he needs to grow up has come up before...many people have said that to me about him. And yes, I believe it is a big issue too.
depending on the context of your email stuff.. you MIGHT use it as an avenue to find out more about his fantasy stuff... and then.. without any condemnation of what he has done... try some of it out in real life with him. (just so long as it isnt threesomes or something!)
This kind of approach is not for everyone. It might definately not be for you. just thought I'd mention it.
DomR - I responded in bold within the quote...
Oh...and about him forgetting the website stuff...that I know he's watching carefully. I caught him looking at porn awhile ago and told him I felt uncomfortable about it because we did not have the level of intimacy I thought we should. Why should he look at porn when I am here and willing...I thought he had stopped but now it's far too easy to do without my knowledge. And I'm sure he's covering his tracks.
My ability to post tonight may be limited. I will try to post but most likely, I won't be able to really respond until tomorrow.
Thank you all for listening and talking to me...I need the diversion tonight.
