Originally Posted By: undercoverwife


Not using the phoney email won't be hard. I really don't know what else to say there now anyway. It is, however, the only "proof" I have that he is at least contemplating an affair (while I suspect he's having one online anyway).



What made you send the email in the first place? is he on a dating site or something?
Most people wont respond to a email "out of the blue". what was the setting of your email?

Quote:

Anyway, yes, we have problems. We have not had any kind of physical relationship for a long time. I've tried, but get no response from him. I also have some health problems that make it difficult to be intimate, but I know that I would respond if he showed any initiative...but he hasn't. I'm trying to get the health stuff "fixed", but it isn't easy. And I'm afraid I defeat myself when my insecurities are that he doesn't find me desirable (because he doesn't respond)...its a vicious cycle.
.....

I think he also thinks I'm a bit of a prude. I've asked him about his fantasies, but he says he doesn't have any. I caught him looking at a bondage website the other day...that was kinda the tip of the iceberg for me.


So... you want to initiate with him, but dont, because you dont want to deal with rejection.

contrariwise, he might want to have some fantasy sex with you, but doesnt.. because he doesnt want to deal with the embarassment and humiliation of rejection.

(plus.. sometimes, that bondage fantasy, is just that... only a fantasy)


Quote:

My husband doesn't work. I am the sole provider in our household.


Wow.. well, that right there, is huge.
Apart from other major issues like, "he needs to grow up, and get a job"...
he's probably bored, and looking for "excitement".


depending on the context of your email stuff.. you MIGHT use it as an avenue to find out more about his fantasy stuff... and then.. without any condemnation of what he has done... try some of it out in real life with him. (just so long as it isnt threesomes or something!)

This kind of approach is not for everyone. It might definately not be for you. just thought I'd mention it.

Last edited by Dom R; 11/26/07 10:33 PM.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D.
Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M.
3 wonderful sons caught in the middle