I don't know.. I believe if you "pursue" her, she could end up fence sitting. Which in your case may be an improvement.
Here is the problem I have with Plan A.. she is in the throws of an Affair/Relationship whatever you call it. Think about when you were in that position.. it consumed you.
Worse yet, you may end up becoming a friend that she confides in .. do you want to hear the sordid details? Probably not.
I believe your case is a "See.. I can do it too" situation. Let it cool off. Let her have some space. Trust me.. she's looking to see how you react.
There is a third place that some guys have hit on called "making her happy.com"
It basically calls you a puss the whole time and tells you to be a man.. Caveman type stuff. I think it really depends on your sitch. Although, I see lots of commonality here.
Im torn as to whether or not I call W to make small talk and try and meet some of her emotional needs (Plan A).
NoNoNo,
Only call when you have too. thisis hard I know. but you will see. When you do talk she will want to make the conversation last. There is a very fine line between going dark and closing thedoor. YOU DO NOT WANT TO CLOSE THE DOOR. Yo need to take care of you own emotinal needs before you worry about hers. You can not fix her. By helping yourself you will be in a better place to help her when and if she askes. Let the OM be the needy person. it will grow old fast. The thing is in the begining when I would call W just to say Hi. She was anoyed and gave short ansers. So I stopped. Now she calls me to ask something and then trys to lead into "small talk"
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
I went through what you both are going through back in 04 & 05 and it's NO FUN.
What helped me was definitely getting involved in a lot of things I enjoyed to keep my mind off things and also to tire my butt out to the point of falling into bed half dead. I signed up to play professional women's version of the NFL. GAVE ME A WHOLE NEW RESPECT FOR THE NFL GUYS!
The best advice I can offer is to PUT YOURSELF FIRST (after God of course :-) ) now & even if things work out or don't work out.
My husband and I are still together and I can tell you, there are times that I still wrestle with things in my head. It's been two years since I found out about the OW and although he asked for forgiveness and set up for us to go to counseling, the majority of our healing was just learning to communicate to one another all over again.
I think what I battle with most now is forgiveness and learning how to communicate what bothers me to him. I ABSOLUTELY hate the fact that, at times, if the town where the OW is even mentioned, that I get upset or even allow myself to become jealous. (I dont' let on to him, but it still bothers me internally.) Especially because the more we're back together, the more I realize that I wasn't such a horrible person after all and that the issue was his. Grant it, I DEFINITELY PLAYED A PART in our first separation in 04, however, after we got back together, I realized it was his self-esteem issue that caused him to stray after moving back in with me.
Since I saw that the two of you are close to his age, I figured maybe I could offer some advice as well as ask some of you too. I hope in some way my words & my sitch helps and hopefully you can help me understand men his age.
Although I'm not going to get into questions for advice for me right now, because I don't have the time, maybe I can ask some later if that's okay.
Either way - DEFINITELY KEEP YOUR CHIN(S) UP & STAY HAPPY FOR YOU!!! Because believe me - you have to continue doing this even if you do get back together. That's probably the hardest thing for me is to continue to focus on doing things to feel good about myself and yet balance it with doing things to keep our relationship healthy as well.
I can tell you for the most part that it's great. What strains it is when we don't have time or make time to communicate or understand one another - and just as importantly - ourselves.
Keep me up to speed & know that I'm praying for your sitches!
"GET BUSY LIVING OR GET BUSY DYING...."
And... for your viewing pleasure.... http://www.laughyourway.com/video/ Best video I've seen that helps define the difference between Men's & Women's thoughts.
Stumped, I too thank you, I know what you mean. the more Ido things for myself the beter it is.It's the slow days thatthings catchup to me. Mybe I too will sign up to play professional women's version of the NFL. Sounds like it could be fun
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Sounds like it could be fun 