an xh, his FF, Thanksgiving, MIL, and one psuedo-R

[Dom R]

xh thinks I am trying to pressure him into choosing to be with me, and threatening that he will have less time with the baby if he doesn't make a choice right now. I really don't mean it to sound like that (and I do see how it's coming across that way),

Umm.. azhira... it SHOULD BE that way.
right now.

this "man", has been babied for long enough.
Draw a line, and tell him he's made wonderful progress since the divorce, and it's time for him to make a choice.

You will take him as he is, Right Now.
If he will chose you, Right Now.

xh said I didn't want him back right now, because he was still not 'fixed,'

aha. Dom's psychic intuition strikes again. i was right on that one

Correct him. Dont let him tell you, what you want.
Tell him what you want.

My approach was all wrong the last couple of days.

Sounds like it was right on the money, to me. Sometimes, when someone refuses to acknowlege that they are hurting you, you gotta be in their face that they are hurting you, in a way that they understand.
Seems like nothing else would make him understand.

He feels I am trying to manipulate him into a situation that benefits only me, and I see why he would think that.

Errr.. WHAT?? I dont see why he would think that.
What situation only benefits you?
Being exclusively with you, and getting to be close to you, and being intimate with you... benefits only YOU?? He gets no benefit out of it???
well, gee, i guess not... if you are completely worthless to him.

next time he tries that babble, try confronting him with that one.

Right now, (or at least recently) he gets extra time with your child, NOT because he is entitled to it, but because you trusted him, and enjoyed the time together.

You withdrawing that privilege, because of his betrayal, is nothing that he has any right to complain about.
With his complaint of "you're punishing me",he's trying to turn things around and make you the bad person.
Well, YOU are not. HE is. Dont let him make you feel bad about withdrawing, because of HIS cheating.
He knows what he did was wrong. He's trying to get you to say it was all right, or at least "understandable". Dont let him.
You dont even have to argue with him any more. Just say that you both know it was wrong, and dont argue any further. waste of time.

xh actually seems to listen to me and absorb what I'm saying. When I can say it like a grown-up. He wants to talk more about all of this later.

well, good.. i hope you have a nice grown-up conversation with him, about how adults are capable of grown-up concepts, like commitment, fidelity, and honesty. Which then bring benefits of trust, and intimacy, AFTER the aforementioned things are shared with each other.

How's that?


PS: I cant believe you put up with a "big picture of her" in his main room. gah.. it's practically like they were happily married yet living apart. *puke*