I have joined my oppressed working class brothers (the Hollywood writers). I am on strike. I have decided that if my W cannot muster the will to at least give me a romantic kiss now and then that I am on strike. I will not initiate and I will turn down those half hearted initiations of hers. Going on about 10 weeks of strike now. Hell, I know there are things I need to change but I'm getting tired of always going first. I found the MC (all three of them), I got us to Retrouvaille, I'm the one posting and reading here, reading books, trying to learn, etc and I'm damn sick of it. It's always "If you do {insert want of the week} or stop doing {insert complaint of the week} then we can grow closer and the romantic relationship will just naturally grow". After 4 years I'm calling BS on that. She has no SD, at least not for me. I need to wean myself off of any attraction I have for her just to keep my sanity. One of two things could happen. She could decide that she needs to step up (seems unlikely) or I could decide that I don't care anymore. Either way I'm better off than I am now. It would be amusingly ironic if both things happened. It seems that, fortunately for me, we have an empty bedroom that I was going to make my office. I guess I should get a TV for my office and just make it my room. That yellow paint has to go though.
I really don't want a divorce (at least not yet), nor do I want to give up this house. Hmmm, I wonder if she would mind me bringing home a date? (Just kidding all, don't get all moral on me).
So there it is. After 4 years of trying, I have to face the fact that I apparently don't have what it takes to attract her anymore. I don't know how long this state of affairs will last as the situation does not seem stable enough to last too long before something gives, but I'm assuming we'll see new TV shows long before I actually want to have sex with my W.
Sorry for the rant. Not asking for advice really. Just blowing off steam and you all seem to understand the need for that occasionally.
Gone the carvings and those who left their mark. Gone the kings and queens, now only the rats hold sway.
You need to rant somewhere. Sorry, dude, but it took the D bomb to wake me up. You probably could be my H ranting about a year ago . . . seriously.
So you guys went to Retroville & it did nothing? I thought those things were great & wonderful.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Balto, I actually learn something from these vents. I see what my non-expressive H was going through all those years...it helps me understand what went wrong. So, your venting is serving a purpose besides being just venting.
BTW, I love yellow paint. My dining room, guest room, and master bathroom are all painted in various shades of yellow. I think the yellow with black/dark furniture and white trim would look quite handsome as an office.
You need to rant somewhere. Sorry, dude, but it took the D bomb to wake me up. You probably could be my H ranting about a year ago . . . seriously.
So you guys went to Retroville & it did nothing? I thought those things were great & wonderful.
Retrouvaille was wonderful. I highly recommend it. The six months after it were some of our best times. It just didn't last and the format of the program requires a bit of the element of surprise to be effective so a return visit will not likely have the same effect.
Gone the carvings and those who left their mark. Gone the kings and queens, now only the rats hold sway.
Balto, I actually learn something from these vents. I see what my non-expressive H was going through all those years...it helps me understand what went wrong. So, your venting is serving a purpose besides being just venting.
Interesting as nobody would call me "non-expressive". If anything I have been too expressive. I showed too many of my cards. Took away all of the mystery. Romance seems (my opinion of course) to require a bit of mystery. A bit of "what is s/he thinking?"
Gone the carvings and those who left their mark. Gone the kings and queens, now only the rats hold sway.
One question - Have you told her that you're on strike? If you have, then great!
If you haven't (and I assume you haven't, due to the "I'm just venting" statement), then it's just another passive aggressive way of proving to yourself that she's the bad guy and you're the good guy. BTDT.
Still, I totally get where you're coming from. Wish I had some great suggestions for you, but, other than the usual (GAL, Read the books, etc.) there is no magic key.
No, I told her. I said I thought that we would get along better. She wouldn't have the pressure and I wouldn't have the expectations. I told her pretty much what I said here regarding the "going first", etc. I said we don't really argue about anything else so I'm taking it off the table.
Last edited by Baltoman; 11/26/0709:03 PM.
Gone the carvings and those who left their mark. Gone the kings and queens, now only the rats hold sway.
She said that we argue about other things but I contend the other things (like when I want to discuss an issue) are direct offshoots at the continuing frustration in our romantic life.
Gone the carvings and those who left their mark. Gone the kings and queens, now only the rats hold sway.
So she has no problem w/ your "going on strike?" She has no problems w/ your "romantic life?"
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
