Had a very emotional weekend and I said some things about the OM and the A, as well as some other things that were on my mind. There was a slight response from my W and even a slight, at least I hope so, sign of remorse or regret. On Saturday we spent the day shopping and even went to check out some clothes for my W, I picked out a great dress that she can wear for the holiday parties and a dinner dance we are going to this saturday. The store is having a sale on Thursday so if she does not buy it, I will.
Then again on saturday night we had some frank talk so to speak. It is always initiated by me, and perhaps not what all the experts say, but so much has to be sifted through and I need to figure out what it was that led her to stray away so we can make a better future together.
She said that the constant talk is draining so I will work hard on just doing a little of it on select or pre determined nights. It will not be easy because I can see a little glimmer or light at the end of the tunnel and I want to dash for it. Yet I know that there is still a long journey and much to deal with before we get there.
I also said that the OM whom we see socially a fair bit, is on my mind and I get the triggers when I see him. I said that I started out feeling we should or could perhaps be civil or even friends again and now I truly despise him. He is avoiding me, which makes me wonder if he is ok and then I feel that he will pursue my W again, so I get a little worked up.
All in all, I just want to say, try to stay positive and if you would have heard some of the words my wife said to me months ago, and even a few weeks ago she was going to leave me because I got emotional, and how she hates the way I look, or how desperate I look, just remember that they did love us and slowly they will again.
I told her that it is a huge emotional roller coaster and I think she almost grasped it.
Not counting any chickens yet, but even with all the frank talk, I think that we are moving in the right direction. No sexual contact and very little physical but just trying to be friends.
