Get Me On A Smoother Ride....Need Advice #7

[SueS]

Good morning-

Well, a good night overall. D3 and I played some games & then did some laundry (she's a great helper) to get ready to go to my parents tomorrow. H was good last night. He'd called twice before he got home, but I hadn't heard the phone. He got home, did a few things around the house & left, I thought to workout. He came back fairly quickly too. He got home when I was still up. I didn't push him or hover, but each question I had to ask him last night was answered, and answered very nicely. Not once was he short with me or snapped at me. H made a salad for me for lunch today and was, of course, good with D3. I had been watching a movie in the bedroom and woke up to find H next to me, my glasses (H took off for me) & the tv off.

I know that H is doing some very sh*tty things to me right now and stepping away from H's mess and working on me is what I need to do. However, I did read the 5 Love Languages and realized what I hadn't been doing for H. I believe his #1 language is Words of Affirmation. I've been trying to be more appreciative of the things that H does do for us. Telling him thank you when he does something for me or us and in his presence, telling D3 to make sure she tells daddy thank you for this or that. She's usually pretty good at that herself though. H did make a big sacrifice when he was working in his last position by staying home with D3 and working part-time at night. I appreciated everything that H did, but I don't think I voiced it enough. Maybe doing this seems odd considering how he's been, but I feel like this is something that I need to do, in addition to taking care of me. H was abrasive at first, but has been accepting my thank you's lately.

Well, time to work.

Have a great day! Gobble, Gobble!

[Hurtin4certain]

Sue...I think your H is scared you are going to walk. Thats why he asks all the questions about your whereabouts and what you are doing on the computer. He's scared you'll resort to the type of behaviour that he dishes out on you.

I think that if you can remain calm and confident, he'll find you that much more attractive. He's obviously thinking about things now.

Keep it up!

[SueS]

Hurtin-

I'd like to believe that, but knowing my H, he doesn't think I'm going anywhere. If I start doing some of the things I have in mind for goals....organizing, clearing some things up...etc., he might start to wonder.

So, H called me at work this afternoon to ask if school had called. Again, another strange call. He knows I'd call him if they called me to pick D3 up. She's fine too. I told him no and then we talked briefly about a few minor things.

I picked D3 up, we ran two errands and came home to pack. I decided to let D3 stay up until after H came home so she could spend time with him. H called about 8:40, obviously from his car. He said he'd called to tell me he'd forgotten to let me know of something I could have had for dinner that he'd left in the fridge?? He asked if D3 was awake. I said yes and then proceeded to tell him that as soon as he got home, I had a few things I wanted to load into the car...etc. He said....Well, I won't be home until late. HUH??? He told me he was going out. I said....Tonight? I did the....where are you going thing. He gave me the brief rundown, which included going out with "everyone" from his old office. That's where OW works. I'm positive she works on Wed. nights. I was silent. He said, I'll help you put everything in the car in the morning. He asked why D3 wasn't in bed yet. My response was, Well, I kind of thought you'd be home tonight since we're leaving tomorrow. I again was silent. I just told him to "be safe". He said he would and he'd see me later. I'm just numb. I can't cry and I can't even get angry right now. All kinds of nasty comments ran through my mind, but didn't make it out of my mouth. I wanted to tell him....Now I truly know where your priorities lie.....Now I know that your child doesn't even rank #1 with you......Oh, and don't stick your d*ck in anyone! That last one was the worst one, but I couldn't help it. He left work early to go out with friends & possibly OW vs. spending time with us or even just D3. He could have come home and ignored me, but at least spend the time with her. Okay, I am angry, but I think the AD's have calmed me a little. I'll probably cry later.

Okay, I need to get D3 to sleep and I need rest too.

Everyone, have a great Thanksgiving.

SueS

[Yoyowife]

Sues,
Honey, I'm sorry he's acting like such a d*ckhead. Unbelievable that he doesn't want to spend time with his family before they leave, but then again it happens too often with the these WAS. They can't even find time for their own children. It's all about themselves! I remember my H giving me the speech when he walked out on me, that it wasn't about the girls, he would always love them. I have no doubt about that, but they certainly don't always show it, do they?

[SueS]

Thanks Yoyo. Yeah, he almost seemed a bit "normal" most of this week. I know he loves D3, but damn....C'mon. We're leaving in the morning and won't be home until Sunday. Would it kill ya to stay home one night??? Then, D3 asked if she could stay up until daddy got home. Um, no! Sorry honey, daddy decided his friends and possibly OW come first. Obviously I didn't say that, but it just burns me. The thing they don't understand is they think the kids will be okay. But who the hell has to listen to our kids ask where they are or when they'll be home and hear the disappointment in their voices. US!! It kills me.

Have a good night. Oh, my name for OW, as you were talking about in lwb's thread.....OB (old bag) or OW (old whore). She's older that H and I by about 4 years. No offense to anyone older than me, it just a good name for her!!

Happy Turkey Day.

[Pamar]

SueS,

I am too much of a gentleman to repeat what I think OP stands for (but they dangle between our legs!).

Have a great Turkey Feast, think of us in Britain, we have to wait a further month!!

[SueS]

Good Evening!

Hi Pamar! I have to admit, the Turkey was really great!!

So, not sure what time H got home last night. D3 woke up about 3am and was crying. I went into her room. She had wanted to play camping, so I put blankets & her pillows on the floor for her to sleep on. When I got into her room, H was sleeping on the floor with her. He was snoring, so it woke her up. I got him up and into our room. I got D3 back to sleep and went back to bed. H did snuggle a little during the few hours we were in bed together. We got up about 7:00 to get ready to leave for my parents. I got H up so we could say good-bye. He helped us get out to the van and loaded everything up for us. He told us he'd see us in a few days, kissed us both and we left. Not sure if H saw OW last night or now. Possible, but I tried not to think too much about it.

A couple of things. H asked me if my boss had set his Holiday party date yet. I told him not yet. We went last year, but I didn't think H would want to go with me this year. Maybe? Then, when we got out here, I called to let him know we'd made it. He asked if my dad was here so he could talk to him about some sports things (baseball trades, fantasy football...etc.). Dad was already at my sister's for Thanksgiving, so they didn't talk.

Called H tonight so D3 could talk to him, but he didn't answer. He did call back and said he'd talk to us tomorrow some time.

I had a good day with my family. The drive went well and D3 did a great job. She's a good traveler.

Well, I guess my mom is dragging me out shopping at 6am tomorrow. I couldn't handle any earlier, so I got her to hold off until then. I need some rest.

Have a good night. Hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving. I'm thankful for you ALL!!

SueS

[SueS]

Good morning-

Well, here I am, back to reality. I tried to push reality off as long as possible, but it just didn't work!!

We had a nice time with my family. Friday was a full day of shopping. I didn't spend much, but my mom did. She was great. She bought my present early and bought me a lot of new clothes. Friday evening I went to a wedding dance with some relatives. It was fun, as I saw a friend that lives in CA and I hadn't seen him/his wife for about 10 years. Just couldn't stop thinking of H though. We didn't talk at all on Friday. Talked for a little while on Sat. while H was at work. It was an okay convo. H called us Sun. on our way home. He said he was going to play cards with some guys from work. He'd told me earlier in the week that they were thinking about playing. He told me to drive safe and he'd talk to us later. H got home around 12:30 am. I was hurt for D3, as she kept asking where daddy was. How could you ever explain to a 3 year old that daddy finds it more important to be with his friends and/or OW than with us. You know, I did get mad last night. I woke up at midnight and H wasn't home. I called him. His phone went right to VM. Didn't know what I was going to say, but at that moment, I felt that I wanted him to know....you're not home yet and I want to know where you are!

Got ready for work this morning and left. H & D3 were still asleep. H called because D3 is coughing and said her ear is itchy. He was quiet otherwise.

I have to get up the energy to get Christmas stuff up. That means a trip to storage for our tree and decorations. D3 wants a tree and I want her to have a good Christmas.

Things that happened this weekend..........
-My mom told me to keep pluggin' along. To keep working on me. That no matter what happens, I'll be okay. She knows I'm a good mom and I'll do my best to make sure D3 is okay.

-My 19-year old niece apparently commented that she was disappointed in my H because he never comes out to visit with me anymore. She feels like I might as well be a single mom because it seems like my H doesn't do much for us anymore. He does do some things, but from her perspective, she doesn't see it.

-H drank A LOT this weekend from what I could see. Not unlike him unfortuntely. He'd really slowed down, but it's picked up lately. No signs that anyone else was there with him.

Well, I really should get back to work. I'll check in later.

Have a great day!

SueS

[SueS]

Just a small addition for the day. H just called. Odd, but nice, as he hasn't been calling me lately. He talked for a long time. Asked how my day was, if I'd talked to school, told me all about work and how his month was going....etc. I told him that I know he usually doesn't like sweets at the house, but that I have a bunch of cookies/goodies from our baking day on Sat. He said....well, that's okay, what do you have? I told him and he said that he'd like to take them in to work. I told him that I'd bought a couple platters so we could both bring some to work. I also told him that my aunt had sent home a couple of new pots with me that she'd bought, but never used. H popped up and said, oh great, I was going to call you and ask you to get something started for dinner tonight. I did make a small slip and said.....So you'll be home right after work then? He got a bit quiet then, but I was very surprised at the long conversation we had. We haven't talked that long or like that in a while.

[Dr LOve]

Sues,

It is nice when our Old "sweet hearts" pop there heads up once in a while. My W did the same thing a little while ago..

Husband