I haven't contributed to your thread and have recently gone to this forum. First and foremost one of the things I am thankful for this day is your service to our country, while dealing with so much sh!t back home. I have a buddy that is going through the same thing and he has confided in me since we are going through similar sh!t, he goes back to Iraq next month. He has chosen god and country over saving his m, for the time being. I cannot understand, but certainly give him props. I will go back and read as much of your sitch as I can and hopefully I can add something insighful, but until then be safe and thank you.
I guess we all want our spouses back, but don't want what we HAD.
Excellent, well put. Your W will NEVER get "back" together. It's something completely new, or nothing.
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I feel like a failure, because the should'a ,would'a ,could'a sometimes eats me alive.
Good. It should eat you alive, because you WERE a failure. YOU helped destroy your family. Don't ever forget that my brother, and don't let anyone elses failures allow yourself to transfer the responsibility.
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But you know what, my wife has some serious issues too.
So now it's your choice, cut and run, or stand and fight?
You are a good man, one who made mistakes. Just like MANY of us. Forgive yourself, and move forward with your life, but move forward in peace, in love, and in forgiveness; not because you have no other choice.
When the actions of your W do not affect the love, joy, and peace in your heart, then you'll know you've made it.
God Bless,
COG
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...&Number=660444&page=2#Post660444
FLTC is in a situation similar to Tom Hanks in Saving Private Ryan where he is shooting at the German tank with a 1912 model 45. An excellent hand held weapon I might add.
He is fighting two fronts and feels he is loosing the one at home. Right now the one he is physically in is more important due to the environment. Getting mentally eaten alive due to past failures will distract from his current mission. He should Deal with that later.
Honestly FLTC I would at this time support the kids as best you can spare and put anything toward the wife on hold. It's easier said than done. You probably are already doing it and using this venu to vent. We hear you bro. You are doing fine keep it up.
"All I want is a weeks pay for a day's work" Steve Martin
Alright folks lets keep our chin up here. We're getting close to the Holidays and things usually get worse not better. So keep your focus on the moment, pray that January gets here quick, and be good people in between. If you start getting depressed, go visit a homeless shelter, or residential care facility. You'll realize that your problems aren't near as bad as they could be.
I just want to remind you all. My W dropped the bomb on me in 2000. We did the C, etc for a year or so after that. We separated in about 2002. My W couldn't stand the site of me during this time period. She screamed at me that she didn't love me, hadn't loved me for a long time, doubted that we were ever really in love, said that I was suffocating her, and that she wanted a D and her heart was at peace with it. We were separated for 4 years, did a legal separation, sold our house and created separate lives. For YEARS she gave me no promise, no hope, no indication that we'd ever be together again.
But like the cunning hunter and fisherman that I am, I waited. I kept changing baits, kept on making casts and finally, after 6 years of hard work we came together. Far from instant gratification, but I am grateful for how long it took. Grateful because it took that long for MY heart to change. Looking back, I can clearly see that while I viewed my WAW with judgment, resentment, and wonderment, I denied myself the opportunity to grow. I'm still having moments of enlightenment, when I see clearly my self indulgent suffering.
I didn't just hang in there so long out of stupidity, fear, or neediness, it was to fulfill my purpose on this earth. To love as Jesus loved. We each have the choice to be consumed with that which we have little control over, or to recognize the power that we hold in our own hearts. The power to change other's hearts.
Fight On!
Love,
COG
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...&Number=660444&page=2#Post660444
COG FLTC Being exactly in FLTCs shoes 3 yrs ago I suggest waiting to cast your nets in earnest after you exfil from your current responsibilities. Keep a line out with worm on the hook.
I threw out the nets as often as I could and honestly it distracted from my mission. I was lucky all my Marines in my platoons I personally served in made it home however I could have performed better, I have in the past, and I regret it. To this day I consider myself lucky though some of my squad leaders did praise me. It is not perfection trust me but very high standards are critical to mission success and adherence to duty.
I do not hold this against my X since I created my own mess just consider it a Tatical error reguardless of the end result.
COG You are to be admired for your persistance and I am glad for the results. I pray FLTC gets the same results in a fraction of the time.
we agree the holidays were the toughest part of any deployment. USMC stands for U Suckers Missed Christmas (just a little humor)
"All I want is a weeks pay for a day's work" Steve Martin
COG we have the same objective just different approaches. Just because we differ on a few things please keep up your input. FLTC needs a variety of approaches.
FLTC does Santa drive a 7 ton sleigh? How do those elves see though the sights on your 240s mounted on those 7 tons.
How did SGT Roudoff do on his rifle qualifications.
Just curious.
"All I want is a weeks pay for a day's work" Steve Martin
Thanks for your advice. I know you're all trying to row the boat in the same direction.
Hill is probably right. I can't do much about my situation here. I will send her a birthday card in about a week. She will probably be aggravated by it, because that's how she reacts. I have snet emails regarding the kids and Christmas. No response. I have informed her that I need to start putting some money away after the holidays. No response. emailed her to have a good holiday. No response. But in each case, none expected, so I'm not ripped up as I was one year ago today.
I guess that I have come to some realizations:
1. I'm acting "as if". As if my marriage is over. There has been not one inkling of a change in a year. As a mater of fact, she wrote to me a while ago and said "my position and feelings about our marriage are hte same as they were for the past several years". Check. Roger. Got it.
2. I have mentally prepared myself to not live in my old home upon return, but another part of me wants to just go home and scream at her to get out of the house. She wants out, not me.
3. What really kill me is my kids. The thought of them being without an intact family kills me, as do the memories of 18 years worth of them as babies, toddlers and kids.....
COG, To a certain extent I agree with you, but I have changed some things dramatically, and some for the better. I gave until I had nothing to give, in order to try and make things right...which they never were.
I think she has flipped off the switch, and that's it. Period. I don't want to quit, but she is still battling with my older daughter. I see it through the parent portal at D17's school.
Couls it be that my wife has some real issues and that maybe, a lot of this IS on her? Mostly everyone I know knows what she is about, and they get her total inflexibility and anger.
COG: You've read these posts for over a year. You've told me that my W. is not right.
Things are a lot better than they were three years ago. Believe the good news, because I see the statistics every day. It's correct. Things out west are quieter than anywhere in the country. Things are tough over the holidays, but I'll make it.
Still have 7 months to go. I can't really fight a two-front war. All I can do is try to be as friendly and nice as I can from 7K miles away.
