But I could still not shake the negative feelings, those feelings of failure and fear of the future.
I will. I just wish fW would go away. That is what I really need.
Failure is how we learn what success looks like. Right now I see a lot of success, as in .....
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Her mom dies, I support her family; she shows her old self to me, warm and friendly. Back come the memories.
Success
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Then a few days later - wait, Jeff is an A-hole and must be treated as such. So she hits me with why is the D-paperwork going so slowly. I call her on that - her lawyer has the papers.
Her issues with her fears of having 'feelings for you'.
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She reverts back again - comes to my mom B'day - old self.
Success!
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Then, a few days later - wait, Jeff is an A-hole - I want to change the custody language.
Her fears of 'letting you control her life' show their ugly face again
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I call her little girl on it again. She backs off - sends Jeff a B'day card and a last minute gift.
Success!
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Now Thanksgiving. Time for her to be without the kids. Jeff is an A-hole keeping MY kids from me. You all can guess - when she came to pick up the kids (early) yesterday she was the bi*ch again.
Her fear, again.
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Oh well. At least my anger is in check. All I really feel is sorrow and anxiety right now. So my interactions with her are consistent. Maybe that is why she is alternating emotionally towards me - trying so hard to press my buttons then reverting back to her old self when I don't play her game.
You have no idea how strong a statement this is. She's testing you. As Deida would observe, you are not staying in 'her intensity'. You stay consistent, and are 'the rock'. Not they guy who was reacting to her all the time. The stable influence. The guy who can be depended upon to not lose it.
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I will not confirm for her that I am indeed an A-hole. She will have to come to grips with that on her own.
are you? If you were, there would be none of these successes.
