Better late than never?

[jon2911]

Hi all,
This forum has been a great help so far, I hope it's not too late. My wife filed for divorce August 21st, but hasn't served me papers yet. She's pushing me to file a waiver of service.

To make a long story short, she's had chronic migraine headaches for several years now. No treatments were effective, and we finally decided to try $20,000 surgery. This involved asking family and others for money, etc, and was incredibly stressful. Just before she left for surgery, she requested separation and divorce. I was floored, and life has been a living hell ever since. Things were tough, but I blamed the health problems, and didn't listen until it was too late.

Only through reading on this site have I started to understand the WAW Syndrome, how she was thinking about this for a long time, many of the mistakes I made in the marriage, and why everything I've done so far hasn't worked. Since reading Divorce Remedy and Divorce Busting, I've been using the LRT tactics.

In my contact with her following surgery, she sounds very happy, the surgery worked, she has a whole new group of friends, new activities. About three weeks ago, she called me a few nights in a row with a headache, wondering if I could come take care of her. I told her I'd love to, but not unless her heart was changing. This was of course before coming here, when everyone was telling to stop comforting her in her decision, etc. It was very weird to me that she still wants to have sex through all this, but this site helped me with that as well. I spent the night with her two weeks ago, but have gone dark since then.

She tried to call twice last night, which was strange, we've been text and e-mail only. Today she called me at work crying, saying she feels terrible. She'll probably have to quit her job this week. It seems the headaches haven't gotten any better, maybe they never did? The point of her call was to ask me to file the waiver of service, that she doesn't have energy to nag me any more. I don't want to read more into it than that, but it seemed like a cry for help.

What she doesn't know is this: as part of my GAL I have a great new job, and added her to the benefits. I figured I could change it when the divorce goes through, but had no idea she was doing this poorly. How do I let her know this without seeming pushy? I'd rather tell her in person, and I just want to take care of her. Should I call after work?

Thanks for any advice, I've been trying to focus on myself lately, get a life and detach, but now I feel thrown for a loop. Fortunately people here understand what this feels like.