All the way home I'm thinking about the text I'm going to send giving me a piece of my mind. PM is sitting on my shoulder telling me to give it 48 hours. H calls as I'm getting off of the highway. I apologize for interupting his fun evening w/ friend. H says I didn't and I express that I felt I was. We discussed the sitch and all is ok. Glad I didn't send the text. PM is so freaking wise!
You are so funny! LOL, I can see that even through your stress you are maintaining a positive attitude and sense of humor! I can't tell you how many times I've thought about how I would have reacted to something in the past that H said, and now I do it so much more calmly.
All of your latest posts, lizzy, seem to be headed down a path of goodness. He IS hanging around much more and teasing you more which shows he definitely feels better around you. And try hard not think about what friends tell you especially ones that are on a different path. Of course, they want you to see it their way, so you can both sympathize...Choose the path you want and make it so...and you are already doing that.
Some people's spouses going on their journey just take a little longer to come back down to earth. I believe in my case, it was just chance, maybe because my H and I had already been going through this for so long(before I came here), and also because he came to a realization faster on his own than some do. (Plus his OW was F.I.N.E. as he put it.... = Effed Up, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional). So I had that to my advantage in that he saw me changing and that I was so nice to be around again...that he wanted some of that. So keep that PM on your shoulder if it helps!
You are on your way. Keep the patience strong girlfriend!
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
All the way home I'm thinking about the text I'm going to send giving me a piece of my mind. PM is sitting on my shoulder telling me to give it 48 hours. H calls as I'm getting off of the highway. I apologize for interupting his fun evening w/ friend. H says I didn't and I express that I felt I was. We discussed the sitch and all is ok. Glad I didn't send the text. PM is so freaking wise!
You are so funny! LOL, I can see that even through your stress you are maintaining a positive attitude and sense of humor! I can't tell you how many times I've thought about how I would have reacted to something in the past that H said, and now I do it so much more calmly.
All of your latest posts, lizzy, seem to be headed down a path of goodness. He IS hanging around much more and teasing you more which shows he definitely feels better around you. And try hard not think about what friends tell you especially ones that are on a different path. Of course, they want you to see it their way, so you can both sympathize...Choose the path you want and make it so...and you are already doing that.
Some people's spouses going on their journey just take a little longer to come back down to earth. I believe in my case, it was just chance, maybe because my H and I had already been going through this for so long(before I came here), and also because he came to a realization faster on his own than some do. (Plus his OW was F.I.N.E. as he put it.... = Effed Up, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional). So I had that to my advantage in that he saw me changing and that I was so nice to be around again...that he wanted some of that. So keep that PM on your shoulder if it helps!
You are on your way. Keep the patience strong girlfriend!
Thanks PM. I need you on my shoulder today. Having a really down day. Talked to FIL today who had talked to H earlier in the day. H finally told him about the S, but said it has been 2 weeks when it has been 4. Don't know if he realizes how long it has been or not. Anyway, H didn't indicate to FIL that there was any hope of working things out. I know do not believe what your hear or 50% of what they do. It is just so hard to remember that today. Just trying to make it till the end of the work day. I really want to be curled up in bed right now.
Thanks PM. I need you on my shoulder today. Having a really down day. Talked to FIL today who had talked to H earlier in the day. H finally told him about the S, but said it has been 2 weeks when it has been 4. Don't know if he realizes how long it has been or not. Anyway, H didn't indicate to FIL that there was any hope of working things out. I know do not believe what your hear or 50% of what they do. It is just so hard to remember that today. Just trying to make it till the end of the work day. I really want to be curled up in bed right now.
I'm here!
I recall that my H had a TERRIBLE memory when he was going through all of this, and he was normally the more anal one in remembering things.
A positive is that he didn't mention anything to the FIL.
I do also, remember, just taking a day off of work to just sit and home and be sad, in my bed, just thinking, relaxing, sleeping. Sometimes it is ok to do that. We all need that let down after being so good and working so hard at this stuff. It is very emotionally draining, even when it is positive. Sometimes you just plain need to grieve. If you can get away with doing that, I would say do it! But only for one day now, you are not allowed to spend days in bed! Or I will come find you and drag you out!
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
She thinks H was just around more because his EAs were probably tied up with family over the holiday weekend. UGH! I know I need to be positive and just take things slow and one day at a time. Sometimes that is just so hard though.
I wouldn't worry too much about what your friends are saying - They don't know everything that is going on and they certainly can't read your H's mind... If your H didn't want to be around, he'd not be around. It's pretty simple.
As far as the EA comment - The sad reality is that they will only come back to us when the EAs are no longer in the picture. As long as they get their needs met by them, then they don't need us as much as they used to.
You sound like you've had a rough few days, but don't let it cloud the positive things that have happened. Your H is eating his oh so tasty cake!
I'm glad today is over. Cold and rainy outside and not any brighter inside. Today was one of my days with the Ds. Normally H only stops by for a few minutes on those days to get stuff for the next day. I took a chance and sent him a text at some point in the day telling him what I was making for dinner and let him know there would be enough for him. Didn't hear from him untile hours later and he said he wouldn't be able to make it before we went sk8ing. Told him we wouldn't be eating until after and he could let us know later if he wanted dinner w/ us. Told him if not we would save him some. He didn't stop by until an hour after we ate. He did eat and asked if he could have seconds. H didn't really spend much time at the house.
I am getting worried about him because he is complaining about his stomach. He has had problems w/ that in the past. I don't know if it is stuff going on here, at work or both causing it. I hate to see him not doing well and I'm worried he isn't taking care of himself. I wish I could help but I know he doesn't trust me right now.
Tomorrow is H's night. I offered to let him spend Wed. w/ Ds also because we have something going on Thurs. and that is his night. He is taking me up on that offer. I think I definitely need to try myself to something one of those nights.
Today is a new day. Chatted w/ H a little on the phone on the way to work. H called me about traffic since we had to go a different route today because of traffic issues. Looking forward to some time alone this evening and tomorrow as he will be with the Ds.
I really need some input on this one. I am thinking about writing a letter to my H. There are a lot of things I have done over the past several years that have contributed to our sitch. I feel it is time to let my H know I am taking responsiblity for them and I am truly sorry. My concern is that he will see it as me trying to manipulate things. That is really not my intention. It is something I feel I must do. Please share your thoughts.
I really need some input on this one. I am thinking about writing a letter to my H. There are a lot of things I have done over the past several years that have contributed to our sitch.
Do you think he's ready for that? I would be very cautious of throwing that out there when he's not ready for it. From what you have talked about, he's not in the appropriate frame of mind to handle that or process the information right now.
What do you feel you will get out of writing the letter?
lizzy, if you go by dr book, i would say don't write a letter. it can be perceived as pressure.if you must, go ahead and write it but do not send it to him. keep it to yourself. just my opinion.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
Brit and Craig, Thanks and I know you are both right. I really didn't think it was that great of an idea. Just as I was reading DR today I was thinking about all the things I want to tell him. You are right, he is not ready to listen. I guess for know I'll just write it down and keep it to myself.
Or I will come find you and drag you out!
I'm glad today is over. Cold and rainy outside and not any brighter inside. Today was one of my days with the Ds. Normally H only stops by for a few minutes on those days to get stuff for the next day. I took a chance and sent him a text at some point in the day telling him what I was making for dinner and let him know there would be enough for him. Didn't hear from him untile hours later and he said he wouldn't be able to make it before we went sk8ing. Told him we wouldn't be eating until after and he could let us know later if he wanted dinner w/ us. Told him if not we would save him some. He didn't stop by until an hour after we ate. He did eat and asked if he could have seconds. H didn't really spend much time at the house.