The answer was staring me in the face all the time

[Dom R]

I think that about all you can do, is respect the limits that she puts there. NOT "push" about anything. Then perhaps in a few months, she will not be so tightly closed up to you.

(took my wife 3 months to untighten a bit, after she first moved out)

Even I would feel that there was no attraction there if that's all the contact I ever got from them - maybe that's her [goal].

Yup. pretty much.