WAW says "I'm filing for D", but no papers

[SirPrizeMe]

I could REALLY use some input and advice and encouragement here from like monded people. I hate divorce but it is staring me straight in the face.

Should I wait for her to file? Or force the issue and file myself?

There are a couple reasons I can see why she might not be filing papers after she said she was going to do it, 18 days ago.

1. She's having second thoughts.

2. She's not excited about the practical implications.


Maybe those two things are not as different as they sound.

I really hope that the first option is true but it seems unlikely.

This sitch has been going a long long time, and she hasn't changed her mind yet. She's changed the locks on the house. She took down all the pictures of my family. We had a wedding photo of my mom & dad - that is now packed into a box in the garage. She was very close to both my parents, closer than she was to her own parents. They both loved her very much. But both my parents passed away in the past 5 years. I think it was very hard on her, more difficult than she is admitting. I think the death of my parents has affected her more deeply that she is capable of recognizing. Both her parents are still alive, but her mom is a drunk (really) and is showing signs of dementia. And her dad - well they were never that close.

The locks changing and the pictures getting packed away - all within the past 2-3 weeks. None of this seems to indicate second thoughts on her part.

On the other hand! Did I mention she notified me that I no longer have her permission to enter the house "without her explicit invitation"? She notified me to that effect, apparently right around the time she changed the locks. When I called to ask about retrieving some stuff from the house, I was surprised to learn she was already away, with the children, for the weekend. Four days. So I ask if it is ok if I go to the house while she is out (not knowing that the locks are changed). She informs me then, that she's changed the locks and I won't be able to get in. I say, gee, you knew I wanted to get some things, but you just changed the locks and left the house? For four days? THEN (here's the odd part) she offers to tell me where the key is hidden. She actually starts to tell me... "It's under the..." so I interrupt and say, "Wait! I don't want to know."

Why would she offer to tell me where the key is, if she's just gone to the trouble and expense of having the locks changed? I didn't ASK where the key is. I asked, how can I get into the house, thinking, maybe she has a friend who can let me into (my own dang) house. But she began to volunteer the information anyway.

2nd thing: I drove to the house to pick up the kids for my Sunday visit. Since I am no longer permitted to enter the house, and since the locks are changed etc, now I drive up and beep in the driveway. I don't go to the door. The kids come bounding out (happy to see me). She also comes out. Not to wave. She walks 50 feet right next to me. Why? If she is so afraid of me that she needs to bar me from the house and change the locks, why is she approaching me this way?

So those two things make me think maybe she is having second thoughts.

But on the OTHER other hand. . .

She doesn't work; All of my paycheck goes direct deposit into the family account which she controls. I don't mean that I don't have access to the account, I just mean *she does* have access to all my income. And we have 2 houses - we moved 1 year ago but haven't sold the first house. So 2 mortgage payments go out of that family account. Essentially my entire paycheck. There's a little left over, but she has it all, basically. All my income.

If she files for D, then we will get "temporary orders" which will split my income roughly in half. Half would go to her, half to me. This obviously would mean immediate practical implications for her. And the kids. They'd have to move house. She'd need a job, like immediately. She'd have to arrange childcare. She might even have to stop her mid-morning yoga sessions! I don't wish any of this disruption on my family, but hey, none of this was MY idea.

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Some people are advising me to stop waiting, stop complying, and start calling her on her demands. For 7 months she has "asked" for a D, but yet no action on her part. For 7 months she has said "it's OVER." But she is still living in the big house, going on weekends away, attending yoga classes. If she won't file, why don't I file papers and get temporary orders?

Patience and more waiting? Or do a big 180 and start driving this D to a conclusion?