Updating my sitch... Piecing is going on and we had the weirdest conversation last night. We were watching a TV Show and there was some exercises on self expression going on. Our talk:
H: That's why I gave up acting. I think these exercises are stupid and I couldn't cope with them when we had to do it. Me: Well,you know you have always been closed up so may be you are afraid what's going to be your reaction if you do them. H: I am not afraid.It's a "new age" thing to do these exercises. Me: You know you are always the funny guy. I think it's a defense so you anticipate your moves and controls what people will think about you. In fact I think you are too afraid of self knowledge sometimes so you take it to radically saying it's a new age thing to learn yourself. You don't need to hug trees but you are also to radical in the other direction. H: Silence
Two hours later.
H: I want to know if you plan to leave me. Me: Are you sure you want to have a R talk now? I do not feel like it. H: But I do. (At this point I was shocked, it's completely not like him to initiate a R talk) Me: Ok. H: I think you are planning something. Do you think you could survive without me? Me: Yes. H: I don't think so. I couldn't survive without you. Me: I have told you before. Right now I am trying to survive with you. In fact, to be honest, I have some good days and some bad days still, I do not want to hurt you by saying this but I sometimes think I'd be better without you. H: If you are planning to leave please wait until the end of the year. Me: I think you were planning to leave a while ago and did not have the courage to tell me you were unhappy. I think we need better communication and I will be sincere to say that I can relate to whatever doubts you had about our M because no matter what were the triggers for each of us, I am having them now too. H: Then why are you planning on redecorating (he loves when I redecorate things) our house in January? Me: Because I have decided to work in our marriage and concentrate in the good things to come and in the good connections we are getting lately. H: I am sad you can survive without me. Please don't give up on us. Me:I am trying and I think it's a two way road too. But why are you asking me these questions? H: I know I've screwed up big time and I have fear to pay the price I deserve for that.
I guess he tried to open up. I do not know if it was our conversation but I was glad he is bringing up questions about our R though.
