The answer was staring me in the face all the time

[MaxP]

Sorry 99, here's the update pasted in the correct place:

Not much to report in my relationship. The last time I saw my W was the time she came round to give me the "it's over" verdict on our separation. So that was that. Lot's of comments about our R now being fundamentally different, which is quite funny really since ever since she left I haven't been all that aware of what she has been up to, who she is seeing or been 'allowed' to make any serious plans to meet up. So not much difference there then. So much for using the time wisely. I feel like I've been conned.

We're now in the realms of slowly unpicking our lives, starting with our finances, which is not much fun. We normally have some form of contact about once a week. I still miss her and I still love her, so it's been very hard at times - surprisingly hard. I still think about what has happened a lot of the time. I'm not sure she thinks about me much at all, but she has other distractions. I sometimes wonder if there is someone else, but our lives are so separate that I would need someone to tell me and that won't be her (she has said as much).

Basically, I'm trying to concentrate on me. I'm trying to work out what things I enjoy and what I want from life. Like many people here I imagine, doing fun things sometimes feels like you are just going through the motions - but things are slowly changing (sometimes it feels quite glacial though). I have a bit of stability back in my life after a very rough few months and that is welcome.

I'm trying to decide whether my DBing would ever have made a difference to her*. She's not deviated from the path to separation and then the final it's over verdict at any stage. She seems to have been following this path faithfully ever since the bomb. Because of this, I feel I was never given a look in during the whole process, despite her making statements to the opposite effect at various points on our journey. That's what hurts so much. The feeling that I had no real control or chance to influence her at any stage. She just wanted me gone.

* I still hope it might one day.