I did it -- maintained my head and did no snooping over the weekend. I hope that means I am getting better and my 180's for me are sinking in deeper into my head.
I did need to use the computer to do a google search for my S which brought up what she had searched for... tried not to look but did... She had searched real estate in the place where I live now. Interesting...
No questions, no interest in cell phones, etc. I went to bed early with the kids as to not be in her and her moms face and left my phone in kitchen. They were in basement ansd when I heard my phone do a text alert I heard her bound up the steps. She also told me earlier when she heard my phone go off.
Last week I told her I needed to change the time I talk to the kids because I was going to see a movie. She also had looked at the movie listings for where I live.
She has a meeting with C this week. I am thinking that I will be busy one night this week to let her think about my GAL efforts some more.
T'givnig was pretty stressful, as I'm sure it was for most of us. One bright spot - she called me while shopping with her momo so I could help her tease her mom about something. I asked her mom why she did that and she didn't know. She even suggested that it wasn't necessary but W had to do it right then.
It was definitely a like old times moment. Every time we have one of these rare moments it seems like W catches herself and then p[uts the guard back up. I guess that is normal?? I just enjoyed the moment and did not push...
I did snoop alot and have a fair amount of documentation if I should ever need it.
The as if is certainly hard. It should be easy -- I know that if I don't reach out to her she usually will check in with something. She was short last night, but then called me today to ask me about our son. She usually would have just texted me with a question like that.
This is normal for a MLCer. It is hard to "hold steady" and "stay the course." I have been where you are, to some degree, and can vouch on the difficulty.
Like you, I have retained documentation, if I should ever need it as well.(primarily to protect child more than me-financially)
We do what we need to do, in order to help ourselves. The fine line is making sure what we do is not also self destructive to us, or our R/M.
Keep your feet on the path, by taking it one day at a time....
It CAN be done.
MariS
"Going for the Gold & not the Booby prize"
Become the change you want to see.....
Me - 37 WAH - 35 child - 2yrs Separated - August '06 Married - 10yrs, Together 18 Not feeling WAH's internal struggle - Feb '08
Thanks. It just sux - but of course we all know that :-)
That's why I had to stop snooping; it was totally killing me. I really got a kick out of her interest in my phone, though. And last week when I told her I needed to change the time she asked why which was new behavior.
It is so hard to hold it together sometimes. I really do much better when I can't see her.
I almost forgot the best part of the new snooper in our relationship... I left my phone charging in the bedroom and later, after she was finished with her shower I went back in to get it. It was totally in a different position than where I left it! She never asks about me, but I sure get the sense now that she just might be concerned that I am GAL!
Well - I've learned a new one in the past 24hrs about not snooping. Since having done it in the past, due to the lies and vibes WAH-MLCer gives off, my 6th sense and eyes now seem to be more alert than ever.
Was using WAH-MLCer's hair brush and noticed the wrong color of hair strands and long. We are all natural blondes.
This type of snooping, where the evidence just presents itself is new to me. Will forwarn you that it is extremely hurtfull and unsettling.
As for the reverse snooping, yep, I know what you are going through. It is the MLCer being paranoid. I've noticed my H had my missing post box keys, when I was looking in a drawer for something else, and my eyes where drawn to a box. Naturally, I opened it and there were my missing keys.
Don't rise to the bait, just let the MLCer wallow in thier own fears/issues. Keep GAL'ing and As If'ing.
As for me, with a 2yr old, I'm needing to re-evaluate the environment I am exposing child to and make a choice for the New Year. Child is becoming more and more aware.
Been where you are, you can still hang on to this roller coaster ride and stay the course. Remember it is ALWAYS your choice as to length of the ride...
Sending you your dose of PMA for the day!
MariS
"Going for the Gold & not the Booby prize"
Become the change you want to see.....
Me - 37 WAH - 35 child - 2yrs Separated - August '06 Married - 10yrs, Together 18 Not feeling WAH's internal struggle - Feb '08
Thanks. yes - I did not mention my phone in any way. It's kinda funny that after that and a bright moment or two W retreated into moodiness.
Sorry about the hair! I am afraid of that since when I go home I use the master bath and our bedroom... Trying just to shave in the dark :-)
Tonite I will change the time I call the kids saying I have plans. I am only going to the mall to get out for a bit... She has a C session tomorrow and I wonder how it will affect her mood. The last time I did that she got grumpy with me.
On the C -- I am afraid she is nothing but a facilitator. You need to make you happy, agreeing with wahtever she says, never challenging her, etc. I would agree that W needs to be happy, but I am afraid that the advise is that she can only do that ourtside of the M. Of course I am paranoid!
Your insight on the C is what I have on Cs. H and I tried it, after I confronted about his 1st A, even though he doesn't believe C does any good. Well, I kinda agree....
Yes, change the time you call the kids, but not by too much. It can affect them too and you want to as little of that as possible. Pretend you are not aware of W's C session and yes, do go out to the mall, or fill the car up with gas, anything that will give you a small break and change your routine.
FYI, the mood swings are also normal and very hard for us, the sane ones to keep up with.
MariS
"Going for the Gold & not the Booby prize"
Become the change you want to see.....
Me - 37 WAH - 35 child - 2yrs Separated - August '06 Married - 10yrs, Together 18 Not feeling WAH's internal struggle - Feb '08
