Thanks frank, BBA, Jim, nic and ISLH. Means a lot.
I got through my birthday okay. The kids were great, I cooked a big meal, and we all watched a movie. I enjoyed my railroad book.
But I could still not shake the negative feelings, those feelings of failure and fear of the future.
I will. I just wish fW would go away. That is what I really need.
Her mom dies, I support her family; she shows her old self to me, warm and friendly. Back come the memories. Then a few days later - wait, Jeff is an A-hole and must be treated as such. So she hits me with why is the D-paperwork going so slowly. I call her on that - her lawyer has the papers. She reverts back again - comes to my mom B'day - old self. Then, a few days later - wait, Jeff is an A-hole - I want to change the custody language. I call her little girl on it again. She backs off - sends Jeff a B'day card and a last minute gift.
Now Thanksgiving. Time for her to be without the kids. Jeff is an A-hole keeping MY kids from me. You all can guess - when she came to pick up the kids (early) yesterday she was the bi*ch again.
Oh well. At least my anger is in check. All I really feel is sorrow and anxiety right now. So my interactions with her are consistent. Maybe that is why she is alternating emotionally towards me - trying so hard to press my buttons then reverting back to her old self when I don't play her game.
I will not confirm for her that I am indeed an A-hole. She will have to come to grips with that on her own.
