Well, hopefully I didn't make things worse last night. My cell phone died and WAW wanted to contacted 5D and left several voice mails the last of which said she was documenting it. I texted what happened back and then called her. I validate her by saying I understood why she thinks I am sick but I was not that sick/hateful with regards to this incident. Things basically turned into us, not sure helpful.
- I mentioned basically my post her on sick and said I get it, I understand. I spoke about the large sum of money I spent on making Zucchini Chowder missing hers and how I did same thing I used to gripe at her about. And several other points - Asked her to consider helping find a LRC/LMFT for 5D. Said I've done a lot of research I think this is in the best interest of 5D. She at first was apprehensive but at end of conversation relented because I emphasized how she is being torn apart. - She said I still don't get it and says that I tried to be perfect and so smart...I can use this later to illustrate my new life because of my failures in our marriage. - She believes she asked for counseling, told people things that I didn't, tell things to 5D that I don't, basically little I say...I'd say this was to be expected. - She brought up papers and if I was signing them. I asked how could I sign them with things that are just not true...such as not having lawyer. - Mentioned missing items in papers, she asked what, division of assets not agreed as she thinks, briefly mentioned unacceptable child custody...serious discussion would have been just as good as talking into a dial tone. I did ask if I was so bad then how come we are doing a 4 day equal rotation now. She said it was hard, but nothing concrete. Perhaps this hard is just her missing 5D and her own unhappiness. - Also, mentioned that 5D I was going to provide a stable life for 5D and that if she cannot pick-up 5D then I would be. This contradicts her continued plan of letting her mother babysit all the time when she works. - She wants me to discuss missing or points of discussion with her and her lawyer before wednesday. Like I am going to do that by myself. I offered restraunt, over dining room table, divorce mediation that I would pay for. She didn't seem to thrilled with that. - Doesn't seem she will file fault...in my state she cannot file no-fault...but she can sue for a divorce...I don't understand this but I'll get my answer this afternoon. - I think she is doing this because of how I hollered and yelled at her those last two Saturday's. She will not forgive me now. - I mispoke once, and she got angry...I tried to correct by saying I said it but didn't mean it I meant this...she did not believe me...It illustates how she doesn't believe in me now.
Everything to me points that she cannot wait for this to be done. And at the same time she doesn't see a day ahead in any of our lifes. I also think I am not good at DB/DR and I certainly didn't show much in this post. I did a lot more listening and validating. She talked more. She is so angry and she is programming herself to eliminate anything good, just like we all read about.
I have hope because she relented to the counseling with 5D and that I want us all to go for 5D benefit. But she is not going for me. We will talk tonight because she wants to schedule this attorney meeting. Perhaps, we can have a worthwhile discussion. I will hope and pray.
