I need support

[cat03]

they do get irrational and uncooperative, I hear you, stay your ground and dont' give tit for tat.

The book I suggested won't contradict DR at all, it is a good read. My H also took all his stuff (most of it before he left in secret btw).

I still have trouble communicating with him at all.
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That's the core of everyone's problem hon, just remember to watch the tone of your voice, you can be saying one thing while your tone of voice and body language say another. Hang in there. DECIDE to have a good thanksgiving regardless, you and the kids deserve a nice holiday, detach and make the conscious desicion to be happy))

[HSSweetheart]

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!

[mkultra]

Happy Thanksgiving to you also! Do what feels good today.

[HSSweetheart]

We had a nice holiday. He thanked me and "offered" to clean up since I cooked after he rested, but I am a do it now person and once I sit I am down for good so I got up and put stuff away so he didn't help. He kept telling me he said he would do it and I said I didn't have a problem doing it. Kids and I played games and he fell asleep. He took the kids for the night and left after 9. First time he really sorta "hung" around. I still didn't speak much and cannot look at him. That will take time I suppose. Was sad to see the kids go. He didn't even have today off and I did so he had to get the poor kids up to drive them home. That sucked for them. Oh well. His one s-i-l called to wish me a good holiday and offered me a homemade pumpkin pie. Again, the only member of the family to bother. She also told me that xmas eve would be at her house and I was invited. She is wonderful in that she acts like it is business as usual, I am not "ousted". I had figured I would be alone but now I am not sure. What do you think? I would have to see the other s-i-l I have problems with but I can keep quiet. Good idea or bad? He may tell me no anyway so it may be a moot point.

[mkultra]

I don't know. I did not invite nor spend time with my In Laws. They did not even call. Blood is thicker. I say opt out and do something with friends or out of town. It is too awkward in MHO.

[cat03]

if he offers, even if you are "do it now" person (like me ) let him, he is trying, something, anything, let him.
Perhaps he thought he "had" to take the kids, maybe if you would've suggested they stayed since he had to work he would
ve opted for that, just a thought, for the future :P

Glad you guys had a decent holiday

[HSSweetheart]

I ended up not feeling well with headaches most of the weekend. He came over Sat. and did the dishes for me from Thanksgiving - he said since he didn't help with dinner. I only wish he would do it for doing it but can't have everything. I did suggest that the kids stay since he had to work but he said he would just bring them over in the morning. I thought it was dumb. Last night he had me bring them to him. He said he saved me a trip one day last week so I should reciprocate. I did, though I didn't want to. I asked him put away the fall/halloween stuff in the attic which I always want to do on Thanksgiving weekend and he NEVER does. I hate having to rely on him. He said he will do it, just not then. Then he told me HE will get the tree. That is the only thing I am decorating, he got that hint and didn't say anything. But I am putting the tree where I always want it not where he always puts it.

[cat03]

again, please get the book "the proper care and feeding of husbands"

I still see a lot of resistance in your part, some unproductive behavior. Take care and relax, he did the dishes to help you, that's what matters, so the fall/halloween stuff is out there longer that you wanted to, big deal, if it bothers you that much then put it away yourself so you dont' sit there stewing in your juices about how he never does it.
RELAX

[HSSweetheart]

I know, I know. Don't sweat the small stuff. I was very glad he did the dishes, don't get me wrong. Doing that on Sat when I didn't feel well was much better than if he had done it on Thanksgiving. The attic has always been a struggle. I cannot get in it myself or believe me I would have had it done already. And I hate asking him. Believe me, I am much better than ever. What resistance/unproductive behavior are you referring to? Going to order the book now, problem is in time to read for me. There is not enough time in the week.

[HSSweetheart]

Funny thing. H is finally learning finances the hard way. Gave me my weekly chk last night and asked me not to cash it until after 5 so that there was enough in the acct to cash his check. Then said he had no money so I gave him $10. I thought he might not accept it but he did. I am not looking for him to pay it back, but I felt good giving it to him. Now perhaps he understands a little more. And he has few expenses compared to what I have with the kids and the house. Welcome to a dose of reality.