Hi LO, hope things are going as well as they can be. I agree with TAL, limboland is a horrible place to be.
Wow Hope, I can't believe H said those things to you. I know it felt good to hear. Do you think he is regretting the divorce as well? I bet he is. This is exactly what happens. The LBS moves on before the WAS wakes up. So sad.
I just had a panic thought. When you are splitting assets does it matter what it is?? For example, is it better to sell real estate before D (and have the cash) or after or does it matter??? Does anyone know???
I believe any asset is something acquired together, while married. I guess its any type of property: house, car, boat, artwork, anything.... You would have to talk to an atty about which would benefit you financially, to sell before or after D (if your H was 'giving' you the house, for example, would you make him also pay to the commissions before you sell).
I am not the best person to ask, but hope this helps.
Ok.. I think I'm good with the house thing. Just a moment of panic.
Had another D talk last night. H still doesn't see any way out except to D. He is less scared by the unknown (ow) than by getting back into a bad marriage. Same conversation really - he won't move out until we sell the house, told me some more of what he wants in the "business transaction of D", etc. We cried and in the midst of the convo, he asked, "Is this when you finally tell me what needs you had that I wasn't meeting and what it takes to meet them". We talked about some of this same stuff last week. Is it just me or is that odd? Aren't we beating a dead horse now??
Convo went well until I started getting kinda' self-righteous when H started talking about the fabulous ow. I may have called her a "whore"... oops! Well, as you can imagine, all he!! broke loose and H started screaming at me. Then, I lost it and got hysterical. I know I need to stop this. I am behaving like I did in the beginning and making him more certain that he wants a D! Then again, maybe I want one, too. Help!!!
I'm truly a mess and he seems to have moved on already.
Hey olive, Sorry you are having a bad time. Did you see your reading??
“Once again, your subconscious is taking good care of you! “
Talk to me girl... I have plenty of Positive energy today. Just gave Saffie a "Fix" She might even let me populate her foot like she did to her horse. Hey it made her horse feel frisky...
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
I feel like I'm losing everything right now - my house, my husband, time with my child... It's so sad. It is beyond my comprehension that there is nothing left to fix as he said. He thinks it's too broken. I just don't understand how he can feel that way.
H said that maybe he sabotaged any chance we had a year ago of working on our marriage by having the affair. That maybe it was his way of making me leave him. I guess he didn't know what he had married... I dont' give up that easily. But, now am I just in denial?? Is there, in reality, no turning back??
It's not too broken. It's a decision to commit and try to work on it or not. He's decided not to. It's not that it won't work, he just won't.
It does seem odd that he is bringing up your needs now. Why does it matter to him now? And for him to bring up how fabulous OW is ... that's just downright mean!
It's been a rough few days for you. I say use the 48 hr rule to step back and think. I know he doesn't want to move out until the house is sold (not sure that work for me) but do you think he'd move out for a few days just to give you some space?
He's not willing to try, for NOW. That doesnt mean he wont in the future. I went through the same thing with my W. She left me, filed for D and wanted to take my D from me. I WAS A MESS. I detached completely, even started dating to fill the void (dont ever do that). Then about 8 months after separating, she decided to call off the divorce and came running back to me. I was still with my gf and W was devastated. Now the tables have turned. :-(
Hurtin: 32 WAW: 30 D: 8 Bomb: 10/05 Sep: 12/05 Back together 8/07 Bomb (OM): 11/07 Filed for D (me): 12/07
It's not too broken. It's a decision to commit and try to work on it or not. He's decided not to. It's not that it won't work, he just won't.
That's pretty much what I told him. That I believed it can work if both parties are committed. He couldn't disagree with that.
Originally Posted By: JoieDeVivre
It does seem odd that he is bringing up your needs now. Why does it matter to him now?
He's done this a few times lately. Maybe he's trying to twist it so that he doesn't seem at fault. Except that he asks clarifying questions to help him understand exactly what I mean.
It's like he gets sucked into seeing ow and is in a fog and gets belligerant about us never being able to reconcile. Speaking of fog, he mentioned that at one point he broke it off completely w/ow. I asked when and he said when we were seeing the MC and I obviously wasn't listening to him then. I told him I stopped seeing her a couple of months into it and during the first month he was non-stop on the phone w/ow in front of me and the second month he actually came home from spending a whole day with her and told me how weird it was to be on a "date" with someone else. He looked at me kind fo funny... Almost like he didn't remember it. He never broke it off w/her for more than a couple of days and I called him out on it!
He's not willing to try, for NOW. That doesnt mean he wont in the future. I went through the same thing with my W. She left me, filed for D and wanted to take my D from me. I WAS A MESS.
That's me right now... A MESS.
Originally Posted By: Hurtin4certain
I detached completely, even started dating to fill the void (dont ever do that). Then about 8 months after separating, she decided to call off the divorce and came running back to me. I was still with my gf and W was devastated. Now the tables have turned. :-(
How would you not want to do that?? You thought it was over and were moving on with your life. I guess I just try to hang on until it's completely over... I know that things can change but it really seems over right now.
