Like you said, keeping expectations in check should always be at the top of the list, otherwise you may be (prolly will be) setting yourself up for a fall that will take you from your goals.
I need to read this right now as I guess we have had a few steps forward.
I decided to take a different path for a while to see what the results will be. I actualy decided to pursue a bit. Before everyone starts to get excited , DB'ing is about seeing what works. I felt that where we were at was not getting anywhere and so here is a very quick overview of what happened.
Sun: W has dinner at home ( usual) with family , I cook. Mon: W drops D off in evening and something upsets her a little. I txt W later and asks what she is doing tues night. She says nothing. I tell her I will pick her up . She txt back why ? I say just want to spend some time . Had to talk on phone about D later and she was upset , didnt want to go out I asked if she wanted to talk , she told me "too late". I just say OK.
Tue: Undetered I txt a quick how are you? got a friendly reply so offered to bring her dinner, she accepted and told me what she wanted. I took up dinner and later we went for walk on beach , she did 90% of talking , no R talk but I realy listened and there was lots in there about how she is feeling by how she talked about other people. It was a good evening for both.
Thursday: W offers to come cook for Kids as I was going out which was a big help , she also did some other stuff around home , I only saw her for a minute when I got home but txt her a big thankyou later.
Sat: I invited W & D for dinner and W to sleep over so we could watch a couple of movies , I of course would sleep on couch and I had an early start on Sun it would give W a sleep in. To my surprise she accepted ( I was not expecting) Unfortunatly she was feeling a bit ill and tired at one stage in the evening she got upset and said that she wanted to move to a bigger place and D to come live with her . I validated and said she should be with her mum , but added that i would be upset as I was trying to keep the family together. W was then quite withdrawn possibly expecting it to turn into an argument ( would have once ) . I said , I wanted this to be a happy evening and not get into this , after a about 10 mins W lightened right up and started to talk about the movie which is quite something. She still didnt want to take my room but I insisted so she did.
Sun: Didnt see W but a couple of friendly txt messages.
Today: W still ill so I helped her out with a couple of things stopped by her apartment , joked with her a bit , W had seen some gadget and said "we" should get one of those . The "we" being a surprise , I however just went along with it and said we should.
Thats about it but W seems to be enjoying the attention so for now I am calling this experiment a success. I will not be seeing W now for a few days due to work so it will give a good cool off period and we will see how things are later in the week.
I am not going to let expectations get up , because the WAS is still very much there from time to time but there seems to be another side of W that perhaps likes C_K a little , particularly the new improved C_K .
I know I have been tested a couple of times , SAT night being one , contencious issue , both of us had a couple of drinks , were tired but I remembered , Validate , state your point once and leave it alone . It was a good move , we both heard each other and there would have been nothing to gain from further discussion.
Long post I know , I know its pursuing which is considered a no no , but I think it illustrates what it means in the DR book about experimenting and monitoring the results.
