All I can hold on to is myself, kids and this site

[BEAUTYandWAH]

This is my first thread.
Before I start my story, I will have to thank all of you who are here and listening to me. I have few people who I can talk honestly about my situation so this is a great opportunity for me to get real feedback. So thank you again.
One more thing, I will do the best I can to spell and write but English is not my first language so please forgive me and ask me when you are not sure what I am trying to say.

Me:30
H:29
M:7 Together: 8
D:6
S:2

We were in love each other when we were dating. After we found out I was pregnant, things weren't the best but we decided to get married and have a child together. Yes, we were young and we got married for a 'wrong' reason.

We both had personal issues to deal with. I had depression from childhood and issue with my mother (very controlling and criticized me since I was little)
He had issues with drugs, ADHD (he says never diagnosed but was taking some sort of medication during teen-age..? ..I am not exactly sure), lots of behavioural issues since little, dysfunctional relationship with immediate and extended family because of his behavior issue for a long time.

I overcame most of my depression regarding my childhood through years of therapy, counseling, medication etc. Beginning of summer 2007, I finally felt like things were going well for the first time in my life. I was confident, loved myself and had energy to take care of others. When I finally realized how much I appreciated to have my husband and kids, it was too late. He had an affair with younger woman for about 5 months at the time.

About 3 month after I found his affair, his mind and heart was between me and OW. When finally OW had enough and moved away, he told me "I love her" "I misses her" "I will never come back to you" "We got married for wrong reason" "She made me happy" etc etc.

My in-laws have been there for me and my kids since I told them in September. They offered to get me a divorce lawyer and even asked me to move in with them after myH left us in the unsafe neighborhood. I did not accept either offer yet.

I read many thread on this site and am reading Michele's books. I think I am doing alright.. since my profession is crisis intervention, I am doing pretty good (counseling, therapy, medication, work on myself, enjoy times with kids, have social time with friends etc etc)

My concern.. lots.

I still love him and at the same time, I am very mad at him for leaving me the way he did and hurting my precious children who are inocent and unconditionally love him, yet he left them for his personal reasons (be a single, his school (undergrad), go to bars 3-4 times a week, thinking about moving to other state for grad school next year (other side of coast!)AND OW (the relationship with her is text, phone call, e-mail..)

I have not asked him about our future relationship (when is the D-Day, are you coming back, do you love me.. etc), which I think I am doing very well.

BUT he asks me questions "How are you doing??" "Are you waiting for something to happen?" "What do you think about the whole situation?" Yet, nothing said from him. I just tell him 'I am doing good but of course, I become emotional time to time' Very simple answer.

When I am alone, I become very emotional and become very sad, mad, get pissed and all the negative feelings. That's why I am here with you all. I know it is getting very long story, I should let you go for now. Please give me any feedback.

Thank you for listening to me.