WAW staying, I'm leaving to give her space..

[jab]

In summary, the past week has been an uphill battle since my loss of composure Thanksgiving PM and the EA/PA question Friday AM. W had to work nights through the holiday weekend (prob a good thing) and has pretty much avoided me when she was awake, so last 2 days I've backed off for the most part. Slight improvement over Friday but not as good as Thanksgiving AM (she went out with co-workers to dinner and bar the night before, I thought I did a good job handling it for a change and took care of the kids). Tomorrow is D3 bday, it probably will be depressing as well. D wanted a sleepover but W didn't invite anyone because of current sitch. I just feel sad for D because she can't have much of a bday.

Well, the discussions today were mostly about my pending move out of the house. Wanted to talk about financials, contact, visits, etc.. I ask for feedback about what was discussed:

1) I said that we could share the bills and keep the joint bank acct as it stands until Jan but I didn't see the hurry to split up everything since this is a 'trial seperation' and is not legal yet. She was pretty quick to jump and said ok but wanted seperate accounts for everything in Jan. I said ok if she wanted that but it wasn't necessary. She is in a hurry to refinance the house to get lower interest rate because she is worried about affording it wit her salary alone. Along the same lines I told her that we/she can afford it at the rate it is now and the longer we wait the better rate we will get (credit is in the dumps but improving). I'm kind of stalling on splitting up ALL the accounts right now but trying to give her a sense of independence financially.

2) I told her I wouldn't call her excessively and that I thought it might be a good idea that kids just come to my apt the first month or two and that I don't come to the house at all like previously planned. I just wanted to give her the break from me that she is asking for (this is going to be the hardest one for me)

3) I'm supposed to get kids THUR-SUN when she works nights. She asked something about going out with friends from work more often and a work related xmas/new year party. I told her basically that if she wanted to go out with friends to bars then it was up to her to find babysitter on her own. I did say that I might do it for the party for her, we will see. My excuse was that I needed the rest of the time to work on myself. (therapy, AA, time to think, GAL).

That's about as far as it got on that subject.

She said no xmas present for her from me but I still wanted to get her something that I wanted to get her last year. Nothing romantic or expensive. I know DB says no gifts, thinking about this one. I just told her ok for now, no gifts. That was a hard one for me too.

There were a few other mentions about my computers and how she would like to get a laptop and setup a wireless home network like we have now. (I am taking the PC, laptop, and peripherals, they're all mine). I offered her help in finding one to purchase. I was thinking (but didn't mention to her yet) that I could easily throw together and setup a desktop PC for her before I leave until she got a laptop. She would at least have internet and email but is this the right thing to do or should I let her figure it out for herself while I'm away?

I did kind of slip and told her today when she was getting ready for work that everytime I see her getting ready to leave I keep thinking things. She said "what? that I got a date with someone?" I said, "no, I just keep thinking how beautiful you are looking." She said smiling "scrubs aren't the most attractive attire." I said "they always turned me on, you know, the nurse fantasy and all." Still smiling she said "that's probably a fantasy of every guy." I said "yeah, I just thought that I would be able to live the fantasy with YOU and never got the chance." She kind of stopped smiling at that point and retreated a little. I then said softly "you know, it really hurts me to see you so unhappy and sad in our M" Then she just slowly walked away and scurried off to work without even eating the dinner I made her. (insert foot in mouth here)

There are a few other things I was wondering whether I should discuss before I move out:

1) Should I bring up the subject of dating during sep? I think she wants an opportunity to date (she's mentioned that at some point we should both start dating) but I'm totally against it! For one thing, there is no way I can date for at least two months. Second, I think it will just complicate things for obvious reasons, but I don't want to sound controlling.

2) Do we set any goals for her to work on or R or just mention goals for myself and leave it at that? I figured that this may be better left to MC or IC.

3) Should I readdress how I feel before I go one last time and how should I go about that? I just wanted to tell her one last time that I wished there was a way to make things better without having to leave. That I feel so bad for the pain that I caused her, that this is not my decision and that I am committed to our marriage vows and I'm not going to repeat the mistakes of the past....etc...