You have to give him time...I think it is all right to admit our own faults that we come to see...you say your held your father up so high that H could never measure up...have you told H that you now see this???...I am not saying to appologize for everything but if you think this could have been a major issue I see it as an opening to say your sorry...humble yourself before your mate and admit that you didn't always treat them fairly...then leave it alone...by doing this you lay a path for him...you show him that you understand his feelings...and value his pride...like I said, very few will have a lightbulb moment and return all sorry and sobbing at your feet...most want to slide back in un-noticed...with no fanfare at all...really at times their pride is all they have...it is also what causes them to be such butts at times too...
Yes, it is best not to have family get too involved...yes they can push them away...if you dad was writing to your H to encourage him back to his faith I don't think that is too bad...but I would ask my dad not to do anything further...
I got zero acknowledgement for our anniversary...it was our 25th and nothing...our 26th, nothing...even though we had gone out for a beer and to talk about family business and our son....H just said, "So are we celebrating anything here?"...I told him I didn't think there was anything to celebrate...and he said, okay, just wanted to know...
I would say your H is very emotionally fragile...so the more you can subtly do to build him up the better...starting with acknowledging it was wrong to compare him to your father...
I see you have mediation planned for 12/04...what is going on there?...what if you don't show up?...What if you ask for more time if you have to show up?...I know I have drug out this last D filing I did...initially because I saw H making progress back to me...and now because he has some financial issues he needs to clear up that I don't want to be party to...
