We were clear with one another from the get-go. I have my home. You have yours. We do stuff together. It quickly became clear that he has monetary means way beyond mine, and because of this I was opting out of things he'd ask me to go do. So his... solution, was to buy everything up front, and THEN ask me to go. We had several discussion about this. And we worked it out.
Then the gifts started. And you know, heck, I'm a girl, and I was quite flattered. But it was getting to be just a bit way too much. I do what I can, when I feel so moved... but I try very hard not to do the tit-for-tat thing. I give in ways I think he finds most meaningful.
Lord knows it is fun for awhile. But eventually, life creeps back in and you have to start paying attention again. I have things to address. His solution is to just 'pay for it,' so we can go back to having fun. He doesn't want me to worry. He wants to see me smile.
I think that is a very lovely notion. But it isn't... realistic. When my dad issue came up... his solution... "I'll pay for it." So I didn't worry.
It just isn't that simple.
He's off doing his thing for a month. That's cool. But I'm not a slot machine of happiness. I'm not a 'throw money at it' to make happiness, kind of girl. Sure as SH!T wish I could be. It's all starting to get to me.
And that is what I was saying to Mo... I thought I was a Swan. But I did this with xH. As long as everything LOOKED okay to the world, as long as appearances were kept, as long as I smiled, said nice things at the corporate meetings, washed clothes, cooked dinner, had rip roaring sex... things were good. DON'T fcking make waves.
It gets back to what Lil said... if I'm out busy taking care of everyone else... who takes care of Corri? Corri does. And this is MY issue. THIS is where I derail myself, time and time again.
I don't want him to PAY for it. But because of my default... actions? I make it seem like... oh... okay. <-- My fault. What girl's head doesn't spin when a plane ticket shows up and you are whisked away to Chicago for a weekend? All you have to do is pack your bags and flippin SHOW UP?
I need to fall in a lump and cry. THAT'S what I need to do. I need a stupid tree cut down in my front lawn. I can pay to have it done. Hell, I can read a book, rent a chain saw, and do it myself. Which I would take an enormous sense of pride in...
Don't get me wrong. BF is a lovely, very fun man. But having him in my house, 24/7 for six days straight, is just about more than I can handle. If he lived here, in my area... he'd be working. I'd do my thing... not having him standing there, staring at me...
I need to know where I stand... crystal clear. Yeah. I can lay it all out. I can put the plan in place. Or. I can live the life of a kept woman. There is a side to it that is very... seductive.
But. There is something in the Corri gut saying... 'nope. Something is not right in Dodge.'
And... right now... I'm just muddling through it. That's all. It's my shrink's fault.
When all this crap started with my allergies and my incessant red eyes, and my mood swings and my general whazzing out crap, I hauled azz back into my guy.
His thing was... "What are his intentions?"
Me: Scuze me? You sound like a father.
Him: Someone needs to.
And he went about telling me that, at a certain point, if a man wants something, he makes it happen. He doesn't talk over it. He does.
I said, "Well, I told him I don't want to get married."
Him: "Strike one against you."
Me: So... you saying I should get M?
Him: No. Just don't EVER say that marriage is what you DON'T want.
Me: Why? It's honest.
Him: Cuz. Women are not men. And you are not a man, no matter how hard you try.
ME: I'm not trying to be a man.
HIM: A man... who is willing to commit... certainly needs a woman to pursue. Otherwise, he would not pursue. That is not how you got your first H.
Me: Really? How did I get him?
Him: You pursued him. Then you did mental warfare. Then you withdrew. You found an Alpha, acting as Beta.... and then you withdrew. You got him by default, because he didn't know what he wanted himself. He just responded to your tactics.
Me: I wasn't doing 'tactics."
Him: Yes you were. You just didn't know it. And becuz you didn't know it.... you won.
Me: That sucks.
Him: Yes
ME: But. I don't want to marry.
Him: No, you don't want to make such another mistake. Don't blame you. But marriage has nothing to do with that.
Egads, your BF and I are like twins. Except I would never try to use money directly to make a sexual/romantic partner happy because then it would be like I was paying for physical affection and/or sex and that would make me feel pathetic and and/or nauseous because I am a girl. I tend towards throwing Acts of Service around instead. Except these days I'm more inclined towards buying myself some "sexy" and then trading that for sex. Therefore, I think that your BF should have done something more Top than Alpha, something selfish, territorial and agro-assertive. Like maybe grab the phone from your hand while you're talking to your father and say "Listen, you old blood-sucking leech, Corri has enough sh*t to deal with without you s*cking her dry. They say 50 is the new 30, so I guess 74 is the new 54, so why don't you take that sh*t-eating grin down to Wal-Mart and see if they'll give you a job as a greeter. The senior citizen cab fare is pretty cheap.- CLICK" and then when you get all like "I can not believe that you did that. WTF. That is my father blah, blah, blah.." he could wickedly grin and say "Yeah, I'm kind of amazing, aren't I." then give you a bruising kiss and make his exit.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Egads, your BF and I are like twins. Except I would never try to use money directly to make a sexual/romantic partner happy because then it would be like I was paying for physical affection and/or sex and that would make me feel pathetic and and/or nauseous because I am a girl. I tend towards throwing Acts of Service around instead. Except these days I'm more inclined towards buying myself some "sexy" and then trading that for sex. Therefore, I think that your BF should have done something more Top than Alpha, something selfish, territorial and agro-assertive. Like maybe grab the phone from your hand while you're talking to your father and say "Listen, you old blood-sucking leech, Corri has enough sh*t to deal with without you s*cking her dry. They say 50 is the new 30, so I guess 74 is the new 54, so why don't you take that sh*t-eating grin down to Wal-Mart and see if they'll give you a job as a greeter. The senior citizen cab fare is pretty cheap.- CLICK" and then when you get all like "I can not believe that you did that. WTF. That is my father blah, blah, blah.." he could wickedly grin and say "Yeah, I'm kind of amazing, aren't I." then give you a bruising kiss and make his exit.
Mojo. Dear. Those kind of men only exist in Romance Novels.
Mojo. Dear. Those kind of men only exist in Romance Novels.
Right and I have read a lot of romance novels which is why Corri would want to marry me if I was a boy - lol. On numerous occasions I have suggested that the men on this BB would benefit from reading some. I believe that it is behavior that can be learned. For instance, GP is really a very nice person but when a guy just squeezed in next to me at the craps table he leaned over and said "Is that guy bothering you?" like he would smush him for me if he was because he believes that it is a man's job to smush people if they bother his GF. Since I am a conflict-avoider, I only intend to make use of this benefit if, for instance, somebody implies that I am a slut.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Hey I'm one of these people and I totally understand the thought process. It's the reason why nice guys gets nowhere and we go crying to Dr. Phil. At least the SOB on the Harley with stubble, 23 tattos per square inch, shaved head or long hair, and 10 girlfriends is more upfront and you know there is a dark side. (The Bad Guy still is a wennie until he enlists though)
Examples if you are too lazy to click on the link or if you allow me to assist you and you become dependent on my posts.
* Keep people in a dependency relationship with you.
* Require that everyone you care for must conform to your set of rules and norms about how they are to conduct their lives.
* On the surface "look good'' and proper but in reality are a subtle way of manipulating others to keep them under your control.
* You exercise on others to prevent unwanted behaviors or disasters or to clean up and provide damage control after a problem has erupted.
* Make you valuable to others who need your assistance, rescuing and help and therefore anoint you to be in a ``powerful'' position to control, dictate, or direct their future actions. *********************
On Bended knee cause I got kicked in the gonads
You pick up the tab while I hit on the waitress. I luv ya babe. No get off my Harley.
"All I want is a weeks pay for a day's work" Steve Martin
Did any of the other guys on this forum get just a little thrill upon hearing this? Maybe I'm just a sucker for "girl on girl" action.
Hairdog
I did, but I was still trying to recover from another of Corri's posts about marrying her girlfriend...and they like to get together over some wine {I'm sorry Corri, I'll get back in the closet now }
{I'm sorry Corri, I'll get back in the closet now }